Today didn’t begin very well, which is really more of the same here at the boxing ring that used to be our home. The heat has driven us indoors. We have played games, played school, built forts, gone to the library, gone swimming and my kids are tired and cranky. I have never felt like more of a referee in my life. I have spent the last few weeks disciplining my children constantly.

This morning I snapped. Aubrey and Emma had a physical altercation and I. Snapped. I don’t think I have EVER cussed on this blog. But y’all. I have had ENOUGH of this shit. Do you hear me?? E-NOUGH.

I dragged them apart and I’m pretty sure the blind fury that was seething out of my pores scared them half to death. I turned off the TV, confiscated favorite toys and let them HAVE it. I put them in separate rooms to think about themselves and so I could go breathe into a paper bag.

I made a list of everything in my house that needed to be cleaned and gave them a choice. They could sit in time-out for the rest of the day or they could try to earn back some privileges. It’s amazing what scrubbing baseboards and doing laundry can do for a child’s disposition.

I was dusting in my room, (Don’t get all impressed with my housekeeping skillz. Either the dustbunnies had to go or we were going to have to start wearing shower shoes in our bedroom.) when Emma, my five-year-old came wandering in and climbed on my bed. The TV had been off all day, the house was clean and I wondered where Aubrey was. Sadie, as it happens, was lying naked on my clean bedroom floor listening to iTunes on my phone.

I was highly suspicious that Aubrey had slipped into another room and turned on the TV, which had been expressly and vehemently forbidden. I casually asked Emma, “Where is your sister?”

“She’s in da kitchen.”

I was still pretty sure something was up.

“What’s she doing?” I asked.

Emma was curled up like a cat on my bed. Her long skinny arms and legs tucked against her body. She sighed, “Juuuuuuust watchin’ the world go by…”

I began laughing uncontrollably.

Emma crinkled her nose at me. “What?? I axed her what her was doin’ AND she was just SITTIN’ at da table starin’ out the window and she SAID, “I’m just sittin’ here watchin’ the world go by.”

I cried tears I was laughing so hard.

Apparently fear is a huge motivator for my kids. (See above sticky note.) They have been so good since they finished cleaning that after lunch, I let them watch Scooby Doo while I taught them a new card game. *And they have made me laugh all afternoon.

Here are some of their funnies from the day:

Aubrey while watching Scooby Doo, “Man, this is gettin’ weird.”

Aubrey while playing Skip-Bo: Awwwww yeeeeeah! MOMMA’S (referring to herself!) got some STUFF over here!

A few minutes later, Aubrey’s smack talk contiunes: I’m like ROYALTY over here! *burps loudly*

Emma: ROYALTY doesn’t burp.

They have been so funny and sweet it almost made me forget about their smackdown this morning.

*Almost.

*While writing this post I had to stop, TWICE to go into their bedroom and unleash my Mother Fury, A-gain.

Talk to me mothers. How are we making it through the end of Summer Vacation?? (If you can not relate to this post then please don’t respond. I’m not sure how I’d react. Just sayin’.)