No ma’am. These are deep, dark confessions and I hope you can still look me in the eye next time you see me.

As I was thinking about my New Year’s article, I came across a blog post by one of my favorite author/bloggers, Jen Hatmaker. It was her New Years’ post from 2011, Quirks, she writes about how she adores all of the end of year lists that pop up online around this time of year. So in this post she makes her own list… of her Top 5 Quirks.

I read the post and half of the comments before I had to take a break because I was laughing so hard. Inspired by Jen, here’s a list of some of the things that drive me nuts, or make me nuts. (Potato/potahto, right?) Please leave your quirks in the comments and for the love of all that is good and hilarious, read her post and her readers comments. You will laugh until you hurt!

Buckle up, people.

1. Tapping and or monotonous sounds. Clicking a ballpoint pen in and out, someone nervously tapping their fingers on a table top. And the very worst— sitting in a pew at church with someone at the other end bouncing their leg.

I do not have adequate words to describe how nutty this makes me. Every single nerve in my body gets all twitchy until it stops. And if it’s somebody I don’t know, there simply isn’t a nice way to say, “Stop doing that before I have a psychotic break.”

At the Auburn/ Ole Miss game someone who was sitting behind us, had their foot on the bench I was sitting on and was shaking their leg like a dog scratching a flea. My anxiety level went from 0-60 in about 3 seconds. I warned Zeb, “Please tell her to stop so I don’t have to throw her off the upper deck.”

2. ANYONE touching my toothbrush. I mean, you know a little about my kids, right? You’d be scared, too.

If I go to the bathroom to brush my teeth and my toothbrush isn’t exactly, precisely where I left it, I will throw it away. It has happened a time or two that my toothbrush was actually WET when I picked it up, even though I hadn’t used it since early that morning. And again, there are no words for the level of horror I experienced when I saw the damp bristles.

Things are about to get weird. 

3. When I get out of the bathtub or shower, the first thing I do is grab a Q-Tip to get the water out of my ears.

But (I cannot believe I am putting this on the world wide web.) I have to lick the Q-Tip first because I can’t stand the sound of the dry cotton in my ears. So essentially, I’m “drying” my ears with a damp Q-Tip but I can’t not do it. (I know that’s a double negative. But if I’m going to let all my crazy out for your entertainment, cut me a break, alright?)

This is the worst part: my kids think this is what you are SUPPOSED to do with Q-Tips so they all do the same thing. I can barely breathe, I’m laughing so hard.

Hi, my name is Sadie & I come from a long line of Q-Tip lickers..

4. I love jumping out and scaring people but, I detest being scared.

I do not know why I do this. I’m sorry, okay? Even when I’m about to do it, I’m thinking to myself, “You are so mean!! Stop it! Don’t do it!” But I HAVE to because it’s so hilarious to me.

Blair, my little sister, probably has Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from all of the times I heard her coming down the stairs, or around a corner and jumped out and screamed, “BWAAAAAAAH!”

If I ended up behind her on the staircase, I would stomp my feet really loud and growl. As expected, she would squeal and run and I would laugh hysterically.

But if you jump out and scare me?

I will punch you in the face.

I wish I was kidding.

I don’t have the flight or fight reflex. I have the “I will kick your ass like a redneck at Waffle House after the Auburn/Alabama game” reflex and I will hit you as hard as I can before I can even mentally process what is happening.

5. I cannot write a single word if someone is looking over my shoulder.

My brain will not allow it. I can’t think of a single word. I can write in my kitchen while cooking dinner and helping three kids do homework.

I can sit in front of the television and knock out an 800 word article in less than 30 minutes. But if you look at the screen, OR my hands while I’m writing, I will freeze. Every single time, without fail. Brain… no… make… the… um, what… huh… I… um…

I can’t text, tweet, type a Facebook status or come up with a single emoticon. I can’t think.

Stop looking at me!

So there you go, five of my quirkiest quirks. Spill it, people–  otherwise, I’m not going to be able to look you in the eye the next time I see you.