Potty Training

Why I just disinfected my foot…

June 10, 2010 by Robin

Because Sadie, my 17-month-old, just crapped all over it.

Here’s what had happened:

Sadie had been straining and stinking for a few minutes and realized I had the perfect potty training opportunity. She needed to go, I am still recovering from surgery and have no where to go- we had all the time in the world for her to sit on the potty and for me to sit in the floor beside her to encourage her.

I put her on the potty.
Me: Go poo-poo, you big girl.
Sadie: Uugggh. (crinkles up her face to look like she’s REALLY trying.)
Me: Good girl! If you go poo-poo in the potty you can have a pop-pop! (What she calls all popsicles or candy of anykind.)
Sadie:(claps her hands and almost dips her butt in the toilet water) Yaaaaaaay! I poo-poo!
(She’s got her game face on now that she realizes there is candy on the line.)
Me: That’s right, you poo-poo! You can do it.
Sadie: (farts) All done. Yaaayyy!
Me: (clapping) Good job!
I let her down off of the potty and showed her there was nothing in it. I realized we were THIS CLOSE to pooping in the potty and I thought if I let her stand up for a few minutes and put her back on the potty, we would have success. She would get her pop-pop and want to poop on the potty for the rest of her days.

Me: Come on, let’s try some more. You ready?

I pushed myself off of the floor to get her when she bolted. She was out of the bathroom and in the hallway in a flash and I knew, this was it, the moment of truth. I grabbed her and pivoted back towards the bathroom, pushing through the shooting abdominal pains that lifting her chunky body caused. If we could just make it back to the toilet. I took one step towards the bathroom- plop.

I was frozen in time. Suspended in the moment. I had toddler crap under my right foot and inexplicably between my toes. I yelled for my mother, who came leisurely, to see what I needed before doubling over in laughter at me standing in the hallway with my feet more than shoulder width apart, whilst dangling a bottomless baby from my arms.

Shuggie: Oh!! What are ya’ll doing?? Heee-hee-heee!
Me: Could you get her? I’m not supposed to be lifting her.
Shuggie: Hee-hee-hee! What happened?
Me: Seriously, Mom. Get her and get me some wipes. I have crap between my toes.

My mother grabbed Sadie and walked into her bedroom to wipe her bottom and put her back in her diaper.

Me: (still standing in egg-zactly the same spot) Um. Mom? Can I get some baby wipes or something?

I overheard my mother tell Sadie, as she walked out into the hall with baby wipes, “Your momma gets herself into more fixes…”

Yeah, well….and don’t you think for one second if I had made it to the potty in time, this post wouldn’t have read “SADIE PLUM POO-POOS IN THE POTTY!” ‘Cuz it would have. Instead, I disinfected my foot and put everyone down for naps, including my mother and my oldest daughter, who are both still laughing at me.

Someone ELSE’S Potty Tricks!

April 14, 2009 by Robin

Well, WHAT a controversy. I have apparently upset a reader because I am not properly potty training and/or disciplining my children. If you know me at all, you MUST know that I am laughing at this as well. The whole point of my blog is to let other mothers know that we ALL make mistakes, none of us are perfect and it is OK! If I couldn’t laugh with y’all about all this, I would LOSE MY MIND!

That said, my long lost friend Debbie from Texas just sent me a potty story to top them all!
Here it is in her words:
“One of the ladies I work with told me the funniest story about her friend’s son who she had been trying to potty train forever. He never wanted to poop in the potty. One day she gets distracted in Sears and her son wandered away a little bit. When she discovered he wasn’t right beside her, she went looking for him. He was in the bathroom display POOPING in the non-functioning display toilet!!! LOL!! There was no way she could discipline him because she had been trying to get him to poop in the toilet and she was so embarrassed that she just left it!LOL!!! Could you just imagine the employee that found that???!!”

Think you have a potty story to top this one? Send me an email at zebandrobin@hotmail.com.

PeePee Patrol

April 10, 2009 by Robin

FINALLY! Some progress in Emma’s Peepee Antics. Today, instead of peeing in the floor Emma grabbed her princess cup, drained the juice out of it, placed it in the floor and “copped a squat” over it. I walked in the kitchen just in time to see her pulling her panties up. It’s not the potty, but hey, it wasn’t the carpet either!

Pee Patrol

April 6, 2009 by Robin

All the places I’ve cleaned up pee today,

(and it’s not even lunch time):
1. My bed. Yes, I am potty trained and so is my husband.

2. Aubrey’s bed.
3. Aubrey’s floor.
4. The garage floor.

5. The bathroom floor.
We don’t have pets (like I have the time or energy to deal with that,) but my house smells like we’re breeding cats. I’m beginning to think that a litter box might be a worthy investment.

Post lunch update: (I know you’ve just been sitting at work wondering, “Has that crazy woman’s child quit peeing everywhere?) No, as a matter of fact, she hasn’t.

6. The hallway.

I wouldn’t walk barefoot in my house if I were you.

Pre-dinner update:
7. The ottoman.
8. The floor in front of the ottoman.
9. My chair.
10. My own feet.

I am beginning to think that taking up the flooring and replacing it with kitty litter would be my best option. They had to have talked about this at their meeting this morning.

Pre-Bedtime Update: (The Next Day)
Emma capped off the day by taking a load off in her bedroom floor. Literally. It wasn’t funny.
I really wouldn’t touch anything or sit anywhere when you come to my house unless it smells like bleach.

The Poop Wars

March 13, 2009 by Robin

Oh, how I hesitate to talk about this….I love my kids, but you might not. Let me start by saying that Emma(2) is THE most mischievous child I have ever met. The kid can make messes in 30 seconds that take me 2 to 3 hours to clean up. If she is missing for more than 60 seconds, I can guarantee she is doing something she is not supposed to. That being said, potty training with her has been QUITE the adventure.

Last week she came to me and told me she had “poo-pooed in Baby Sadie’s room”, and sure enough, there were 2 not so little surprises waiting for me. Complete with a trail of toilet paper from the bathroom all the way to Sadie’s room. Lovely, right?

But it gets worse. About 3 months ago, when I was so pregnant I was about to pop, Emma came crawling into the bed with Zeb and I in the middle of the night. Normally, unless you are truly hysterical, you go back to your own bed. But I was too pregnant to pick her up and carry her to her room and she was being really still and quiet. So we snuggled. I was laying on my left side and she nestled up against me, I’m kissing her little cheeks and she says ” ‘cratch my arms, Momma,” and of course I do. About this time I notice a smell. Not a poop smell. A strep throat smell, you moms and nurses out there know EGG-ZACTLY what I’m talking about…I thought to myself, “Poor baby, her throat probably hurts so bad she couldn’t sleep. We’ll have to go to the doctor first thing in the morning.” As I’m feeling sorry for her and scratching her tiny little arms, she opens her fist and puts something in my hand. Something small. Something round. Something slightly sticky. The scream that issued forth from my lips could have gotten me a speaking part in any horror movie. Zeb sits straight up in bed, looking for an armed intruder, I am in shock, totally grossed out…my bed has been violated. After a 3 AM bath for Emma, some VIGOROUS hand washing on my part and a quick sheet change we all got back into bed.

So you would think that after all this, I would be prepared. I couldn’t possibly be shocked or disgusted any further. You would be wrong.

Yesterday, I am cleaning the kitchen and Emma comes in and says “Momma, I poo-pooed in the sink.” *Blank stare* Excuse me, what? “What did you say Emma?” “I poo-poo in the sink Momma.” No, no, no, no, no. She didn’t. She wouldn’t. Why would she take her pants off IN THE BATHROOM and NOT go in the potty? She’s making—–“MOMMA, EMMA WENT POO POO IN THE SINK!” Aubrey(4) screams. She did. I go to the bathroom to find poop in the sink, where they wash their hands and brush their teeth. Gross. GROSS! GROSS! (I’m an ER nurse, trust me when I say I have seen some sick and disgusting things in my life, but this had me gagging…) Emma was IMMEDIATELY disciplined and sent to time out. And while I’m scrubbing every surface of the bathroom with bleach and trying to figure out what I could possibly have done to deserve this, Emma is singing the blues from time out….”I’m sorry Momma, I ready be nice now. I not poo-poo in the sink anymore.” I’m afraid to even guess where she’ll go instead!