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My Dream

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Here’s the dealio: My dream is to be a published author. It’s something I’ve wanted since I was about 12-years-old.

I have completed two books. The first is a collection of non-fiction humor covering topics from discipline, and potty training to taking road trips with your family to the sacrifices mothers make for their kids. If you’ve read much of my blog you know I’m not trying to give anyone advice, but I am telling you the complete and honest truth of how I’ve done things AND it’s usually pretty entertaining. The sheer number of ways I’ve found in which to humiliate myself as a mother is staggering.
The second book is a collection of non-fiction essays I’ve written while trying to figure out how to do this Mom thing without losing my salvation (*litrally), and includes Scripture references that I use to *bursts into song* “help me hold on… to what we haaaaaad,” namely my sanity, before kids.
Also, both books have killer titles. But I’m not telling you what they are until they are printed on the covers, and that’ll happen eventually. Because my agent is dabomb.com. (Not a real website.)
I am represented by the most awesome literary agent around, Jenny Bent. I *litrally woke all three of my kids up from their naps (this is a mortal sin) when she offered me representation because I may or may not worship three of her clients. Who may or may not be listed on my homepage…right over there…to the left. Your left. A little lower. RIGHT THERE.
(*Also, I know how to spell literally.)
Now, if you just think that me writing a book is the best dadgum thing you’ve ever heard and you want to help me, here’s what you can do.
1)Sign up as a follower on the website (click on FAQs for instructions)
2)Leave comments and feedback on the website. Something I say remind you of a story of your own? Share it with us under the comments section. (I love, love, love hearing your stories!)
3) Follow me on twitter @robinobryant
3)TELL YOUR FRIENDS! If you like what you read please send the link to anyone and everyone you think would enjoy it as well.

Thanks so much to everyone who has been reading and for all the positive feedback!

Aubrey Starts School

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I went to register my baby for Kindergarten on Monday. I didn’t break down in the Registrar’s office or otherwise embarrass myself. But I can Not believe that she is finally old enough for school!

I swear I was at the hospital in labor with her yesterday! I’m not ready for big girl school. I am not ready for her to be gone 5 days a week. I’m not ready to have our wings clipped from traveling back to Alabama whenever we feel like it and I am SERIOUSLY not ready to give up Tuesdays and Thursdays in pajamas.

When she was 2 and 3 I couldn’t wait for this day. The idea of someone else dealing with her 8 hours a day was QUITE appealing. She spent a considerable amount of time in Time Out and in her room. But now I’ve been consistent, I’ve done all the hard work, she occasionally listens when I talk and follows instructions, and it’s already time for her to leave me- just when she is starting to really help around the house. It’s almost enough to make me want to home school. Almost…but not quite.

Happy Mother’s Day, Y’all!

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Happy Mother’s Day to all my Momma’s out there! I sincerely hope you get to have some sort of break…beyond closing the door when you pee. My sister and her hubby are staying at the beach in a condo this week. Being the sweet hubby that he is, my brother-in-law offered to let my sister (B) sleep in another room so she wouldn’t hear their baby. B-I-L offered to get up all night and let her sleep late, a luxury she’s no longer used to, being a school teacher and a first time mommy to the most adorable baby boy in the universe. B said, “I really appreciate the gesture, but then I’ll have to wash an extra set of sheets when we leave…” Ah, yes- Happy Mother’s Day.

Mother’s Day after you have kids is a whole lot like planning your own surprise party. My hubby offered to stay up and feed Sadie so I could go to bed early last night. Being that I only had one bottle of milk expressed, I had the choice of: A)staying up and nursing her, thus saving the pumped milk for the wee hours B) staying up and pumping so HE could feed her in the wee hours OR C) going to bed early then getting up in the wee hours my-own-self. I chose C, because I’m an instant gratification kind of girl.

I hope YOU have a fabulous day. I hope you don’t have to do the dishes after you are served breakfast in bed. I hope you don’t have to go to Wal-Mart for diapers, wipes or for your husband to buy your gift. I hope you go to the bathroom with the door closed all day and the only cooking you do is to scrape the burned parts of the grilled cheeses your hubby makes so your kids can safely digest them.

Momma Said

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This week has been a busy blur of domestic chores. I am trying to take advantage of having an extra set of hands on deck and taking care of some serious Spring cleaning.
My children are up to their usual antics. I opened the front door this afternoon to find Emma pulling up her panties after a quick pee break outside. THIS is an improvement and I’ll take it, thank you very much. I also found her this afternoon standing on her bathroom counter wearing nothing but her tennis shoes and a smile…
I’ve also been consumed with finishing up the details for our upcoming Disney trip. That’s right, I’m packing up this 3 ring circus and taking this show on the road! I’m sure we will do Disney like it’s never been done before. I’ll sweat and maybe cuss a little and you’ll get to laugh about it later!

Shuggie

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Grandmothers are one of the best inventions God ever came up, and He’s had some good ones in His Day. My mother is here from Alabama and with her help I have accomplished in 2 days what I couldn’t have done in 2 weeks. We have done hundreds of loads of laundry, cleaned out closets and the fridge (that’s a chore I’m only willing to take on with back up!)

I got teary yesterday while I was doing laundry and lunch was magically making itself in the kitchen. I had to stop and give Shuggie a big hug. She laughed. I didn’t even have to say anything, she knew exactly how I felt.

Aubrey (4) stopped eating her lunch for long enough to ask me why I was hugging Shuggie.
“Because,” I told her. “She is the best thing in the entire world!”

A Few Hours of Maternal Bliss

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Aubrey(4) and Emma(2) just had their first spend the night party…away from home. For almost an EN-TIRE 24 hours, it was just me and sweet baby Sadie. I had thoughts, in complete sentences. I went to the bathroom, without anyone telling me how to wipe. I ate 3 meals without anybody asking for a bite or touching my food. I took a bath without anyone pounding on the door and screaming, “MOMMA, I NEEEEED YOU!” I went to sleep when Sadie did and didn’t have to play musical beds for 2 hours after she was asleep. I woke up and went for a walk and didn’t have to stop to examine every rock and blade of grass.

Emma did her potty tricks in someone else’s floor. They went to sleep in someone else’s bed. (And no, I will NOT give you my friend’s name. I know how you think…and you’re not going to steal away my new BFF so that she’ll take YOUR kids for 24 hours!)
They were ALMOST gone long enough for me to miss them!

Does Your Child Have a Hearing Problem?

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I went to the library yesterday to stock up on children’s books for Spring Break. While I was there I grabbed a handful of different free parenting magazines, to do a little research for my own writing projects.

This morning while flipping through one of them I saw an ad that read, “Does your child have difficulty following oral directions?” Of course, it immediately caught my eye.

“Why yes,” I thought, “they do!”

Upon further inspection of the advertisement I realized that it was for children with actual HEARING problems and not, as I had hoped, a self-help class on how to make your children listen to you. What a tease.