Robin's Chicks

Nudge The Nest & Pray They Fly

You are here: Home / Archives for Momma Drama

Top 10 Reasons I Hated Breastfeeding

by

OK, I’ve been trying to hold back on this for awhile now but here it comes. I hate breastfeeding. H-A-T-E. This is no exaggeration. For those of you who have never experienced the feeling of having someone suck on a bloody, open wound up to 8 times a day, let me just inform you- it ain’t as easy as it looks.

Here is a brief list of all the things I hate about breastfeeding:

The Bad Things About Breastfeeding

1. It hurts.
2. My boobs are so big that they totally eclipse my child’s head when I’m feeding her.
3. My boobs are so big that Victoria can no longer keep my Secret.
4. No one else can help you or do it for you.
5. People give you dirty looks when you do it in public, even if you shove your kid up your shirt AND cover up with a blanket.
6. Breast pumps make you feel like an actual cow…mooooooooooo.
7. My boobs are so big that I lost a pacifier once and found it that night when I took off my bra. (True story.)
8. You can get tennis elbow from it, which does provide you with prescription pain killers, that you can’t take BECAUSE you’re breastfeeding.
9. You can’t drink unless you want to have to buy the “breast screen” test strips at Target to screen your milk for alcohol. Purchasing said strips is only going to lead to more dirty looks. (The first time I saw those I wanted to buy a box of strips, a bottle of wine and go home and pump, just to see what would happen…)
10. Boob sweat is disgusting. You either have to bathe or your kid is going to smell like it every time you feed her. (If you are a B cup or under you can’t relate and I don’t care OR feel sorry for you.)

The good things about breastfeeding

1. It’s good for your kid. (Even though Aubrey was only BF for 3 months and is NEVER sick and Emma was BF for 11 months and is ALWAYS sick.)
2. It’s free. (And yes, this is mostly why I do it…don’t judge me.)

(Let me just say if you were about to leave a comment about how I need to be positive and supportive and yadda, yadda, yadda…save yourself some time. It’s been done. I am being supportive. I applauding the women LIKE MYSELF who choose to breastfeed for any amount of time, and I am encouraging the MILLIONS of women who choose formula that they are still great mothers.)

The Shirt Off My Back

by

When I was a little girl and my mother would go out of town, or even out for the night, and I was really missing her, I would go in her closet and steal a nightgown to snuggle with. Being able to hold on to something of hers, something that smelled like her was so comforting. The only thing I can think of to this day that smells better than Rachel Wiley is my babies after bath time. And if my mom has been holding one of my babies and they get the Shuggie/baby combo going….I could sniff them until I pass out!

Emma (2) hasn’t been feeling well or sleeping well lately. A few nights ago she came in our bedroom in the middle of the night and wanted to crawl in the bed with us. If you have read ANYTHING about this child, you know that she is never still. This includes during sleep. So, in order for Zeb and I to get any sleep, she HAD to go back to her bed. She was crying for me as Zeb was picking her up to carry her to her room. I asked her if she wanted to sleep with my shirt and she quickly agreed. I snatched my shirt off and gave it to her and went back to sleep in my sports bra.

Nap time can be a big to do around here. Someone is usually protesting or picketing about having to go to sleep, so on a couple of occasions I have once again, ‘given her the shirt off of my back’, just to expedite the whole sleeping process.

Tonight, Emma who is still running a fever wanted to sleep in our bed. Zeb told her no but said he would lay down with her in her bed for a few minutes. After feeding Sadie (3 mos), I went in to the big girls room to give the baby to Zeb, so I could get in the shower. Aubrey(4) was crying because Daddy had snuggled with Emma but not with her, so I laid down with Aubrey for a few minutes to console her. As I passed out hugs and kisses and got ready to leave, Emma started raising a ruckus because I had laid down with Aubrey and not with her. GEEZ, can’t win for losing! So, once again, just to move things along, I asked Emma if she wanted my shirt.
Emma: Yeah, yeah, yeah….cober me up wit it Momma.
I did, my shirt covered her from head to toe.
Aubrey: Why you give that to her Momma??
Me: I don’t know, baby. She just likes it.
Aubrey: Wellllllllll, I like your pants.
I didn’t even hesitate or stop to think about it. I want a shower and I want to sleep. ASAP. I ripped my pajama pants off and threw them to her. The girls have totally dissolved into to giggles. I am now standing in between their 2 beds in nothing but my bra and panties.
Emma: Well, I wike you underwears Momma….
I LITERALLY fell in the floor I was laughing so hard!
Me: I don’t know who y’all think you are or what you’re playing at, but that is IT! I’m drawing the line! GOOD NIGHT!
I could still hear them laughing as I closed the door.

It’s A Sister Thing

by

Sisters share a special bond. My sister is absolutely, hands down, my best friend in the whole ENTIRE world. She just gets me. If we are watching the same TV show at the same time, I can tell you from 3 states away when she is laughing or crying…because that’s what I’m doing too. We can laugh hysterically for no reason AT ALL. Seriously, we can look at each other and bust a gut laughing like a couple of idiots.

On occasion, our sweet, precious, wonderfully fabulous, rock star of a mother will be talking to us about something….anything (subject matter is truly irrelevant), and we will both simultaneously, spontaneously AND hysterically burst into laughter. Not pretty giggles. I’m talking snorting, snot bubbles, tears flowing, side splitting laughter.

Rachel’s response is always the same, “WHAT?”

“NOTHING!” We’ll scream in unison.

Which only adds to her theory that we are hiding something, and to our hysteria because we KNOW it’s nothing, and the fact the we both said it in stereo makes it funnier, somehow. Rachel usually sighs and leaves the room.

Zeb was out of town one night, so at bath time, I put Aubrey(4) and Emma(2) in our bathtub, and put Sadie(3 mos) in her stroller beside the shower. I turned the shower on and went into my bedroom to undress, I put all my clothes in the laundry hamper and walked back to the shower. As soon as I walked back in the bathroom, naked, my 2 year old and my 4 year old LOST IT. They started laughing like a couple of hyenas. I realize I’ve just had a baby, crying at the site of me naked I could understand…but laughing, this was NOT good for Mommy’s self esteem!

“WHAT? What is so funny?”

Oh, that just did it. They really lost it then, simultaneous, spontaneous AND hysterical laughter. (Here’s another a-ha moment for Mommy, Oprah would be SO proud.) I sighed as I realized how my mother has felt all these years, and got in the shower.

Mommy’s Five Day Pedicure

by

Day 1: Remove old crusty nail polish from eight toes, leftover from the last time you had a “real” pedicure (probably about the time your last child was born…or the last time you had to have your feet in stirrups.) Break up a fight between the kids, cook dinner, feed the baby, and clean the kitchen. Take a shower, realize you never finished taking off your polish, remove nail polish from remaining 2 toes. Clip 3 toenails, put your 4-year-old back in the bed, get water 3 times for your 2-year-old until the ice to water ratio is exactly right and you finally get the cup she wanted, feed the baby. Collapse in the bed due to exhaustion.

Day 2: Wake up at 4am, feed the baby. Get back in bed for a few hours. Get up again at 6:30, get dressed, put on makeup. Finish clipping toenails and possibly filing them. Make lunches, and breakfast, take your kids to school. Run errands, feed the baby, clean house, pick kids up, put kids down for naps, feed the baby. Apply base coat. Collapse in the bed due to exhaustion. Get up cook dinner, clean kitchen, bath time, feed baby, bed time. You got it, collapse in bed due to exhaustion.

Day 3: Congratulations, today you get to apply your first coat of color. To 6 toes, until your 4–year-old catches you and demands a mani/pedi…do laundry, feed the baby, fold and put away. Lunch. Feed the Baby. Naps. Feed the Baby. Dinner. Collapse in the bed.

Day 4: Feed the baby, make breakfast, make lunches. Take the kids to school. Go to the grocery store, put up groceries. Come home and feed the baby, clean the bathrooms and apply a second coat of color. Pick the kids up, put them down for naps. And collapse in the bed.

Day 5: If there is any nail polish left on your toes, you may now apply your top coat. If not, you get to start over. Isn’t amazing that something you can pay to have done in 30 minutes, takes a minimum of 5 days to do at home?

When was the last time you even THOUGHT about personal hygiene? Are you a pedicure DIYer or do you splurge and get “professional” help?