Emma just got out of the bed for the third time tonight. (Excuse #1- I’m hungry. Excuse #2- I’m thirsty.)

Excuse #3- After crawling on her hands and knees into the den, she says, “My feet hut too bad to walk, Momma.”

REALLY? You found it necessary to crawl on your hands and knees to tell me your feet hurt instead of laying in the bed and not using them? Makes perfect sense.

Last Friday I had to have a liver biopsy. My friends arranged to take care of all three of my kids with some creativity and kid shuffling, so that I wouldn’t have to pay a babysitter. (Because they are awesome.) The plan was for Sadie and Emma to go to a Mother’s Morning Out program (whole ‘nother post about how mom’s NEVER do anything fun while our kids are there,) so in preparation I prepared lunches for both of them.

I had recently gotten Aubrey and Emma new Hello Kitty! lunch boxes for the new school year and Emma had been begging me to pack her a lunch so she could go some where with her awesome lunch box and new thermos. I used this opportunity, and packed both of their lunches into one GINORMOUS lunch box: TWO sandwiches (turkey and cheese, cut into triangles and crustless,) TWO bags of Doritos, a package of chocolate pudding for Emma and applesauce for Sadie and TWO spoons. Emma’s thermos was in the lunchbox and I sent a sippy cup and a bottle of milk for Sadie. (She has to suck a bottle until she starts kindergarten or I will be forced to have another baby, which my husband says is not an option.)

I knew Emma would be psyched about going to “school” if she had her lunchbox and I was trying to keep her from being upset about being away from me and not being with Aubrey for the day. Aubrey was headed for a play date with one of her friends.

I got in the bed as soon as we got home from the doctor’s appointment and Hubs picked up the kids and fed them dinner. It was bedtime before I got to ask Emma how she liked eating her lunch out of her lunchbox.

Me: Emma, what did you eat for lunch today?
Emma: TWO sandwiches, TWO bags of chips, pudding and applesauce!
Me: You only ate one sandwich though, right? (I was confizzled.)
Emma: No. Dere were TWO sandwiches, TWO bag of chips, pudding and applesauce.
Me: But, honey, that was for Sadie too!
Emma shrugged.-Welllll, her was in the highchair…
Me: What did she eat?
Emma: Uhhh, a popsicle. Some gummy snacks.

I collapsed on Emma’s bed. This meant those nursery workers assumed I packed a 12-course meal for one of my kids and NOTHING for the other one? They fed my baby GUMMY snacks for lunch while my 30lb 4-year-old consumed her caloric intake for the day in one meal.

It didn’t cross my mind to write a note explaining I had included food for both of my kids…what’s that they say about common sense?

I’m sleeping with the tooth fairy tonight.

Emma: Momma dese ah my weal peejamees, in weal life. I pwomise.

Me: Whatever, you just keep your taffeta on your side of the bed.

“GIRLS! LET’S GO!” I yelled.

The car was cranked and loaded down with all the gear my kids needed for a weekend visit at their grandparent’s farm. Baby Sadie was in the car and Aubrey (5) was standing at the door tapping her flip-flopped foot with her Tinkerbelle sunglasses pushed on top of her head. She rolled her eyes and yelled at her sister, “EMMA! COME ON!”

“You GUYS, just wait! I gotta get my puh-us.” (Her purse, which she literally filled with panties and socks, and still managed to shove her blanky in. Did she really think I would forget underwear? And why so many pairs???)
“AND, I need my boots for walking in da mud,” Emma said as she pulled on her pink John Deere boots. “AAAAANNNND, Momma?”

“Whaaaaaat?” I asked.

“Can I take my bi-tar?” My little Taylor Swift asked.

“Yes. Only if you promise not to play it in the car.”

“I pwomise.”

“And if I can take your picture…”

“Okay. CHEEEEEZE!”

“Wait! Let me get the camera. Aubrey, stand next to Emma, ” I said.

Aubrey ran out the door screaming, “NOOOOOOO!”

“Alrighty then. Okay Emma, NOW cheese!”

“CHEEEEZE!”

Here is Emma’s VBS ensemble: bright orange VBS t-shirt, bright orange Auburn skirt that goes with a cheerleading outfit, one pink and orange high-heel dress up shoe, one black tap shoe without the laces, and her “earmugs.” FTL. (For. The. Love.)

Those of you who ordered t-shirts will be glad to know I’ve got them all packaged and ready to ship. I had the audacity to take a bathroom break while working and Emma disappeared. I found her, and the ink pad to my return address stamp about three minutes later.

It’s been so long since she did something like this. Why? Why couldn’t she have just cut her hair again? FTL. (For. The. Love.)

Last night Emma came running out of her bedroom smiling, while proudly displaying a bite mark on her forearm. I bowed up, ready to find Aubrey, but Emma said, “Wook Momma, I bit myself!”
Me: You bit yourself?
Em: Yeah.
Me: Why?
Em: Sissy waffed. Her fought it was funny, so I bite myself.

Makes perfect sense, I guess.