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Emma’s Antics: The Window

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It hasn’t really been that long since Emma tore something up. It’s just been a really long time since I’ve had enough wherewithal to get my camera out and blog about it. I wouldn’t have had the energy to take these pictures and post them if I could have just cleaned the Sharpie off with a Magic Eraser like I usually do. But this stuff stuck around for weeks. I scrubbed it with every combination of chemicals I could think of… all to no avail.
The rest of my house is nice. I swear. It’s just Emma’s little corner that looks like we live in a crack house. And it’s one of those things, that as soon as I clean it up, I know she’s gonna do something else. So here… welcome to Emma’s world:
The first thing I said when I walked into Emma’s room after her “nap” was something along the lines of, “EMMARACHELO’BRYANT! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING!?”

As she would very calmly explain, she was trying to (wait for it…) measure Tinkerbell and, “Her wouldn’t be still.”
Pesky, cheeky little faery. (And I don’t mean Tink.)
Apparently Emma was reenacting the growth chart we have in one of our door frames. And it might have been cute, in an “Oh, those darn kids” kind of way, if it wasn’t so blasted permanent.
Sigh. In all fairness to Emma, she’s not responsible for the hole in the window.
This happened when Aubrey brought home a pet rock from school. Seriously, she had painted it to look like a mouse, it had a tail and little googly eyes and everything… right until Emma asked to see it while they were in bed.
Aubrey didn’t want to get caught OUT of the bed, so she threw it to Emma. Actually she threw it through the window, but she didn’t technically get out of the bed so she was a little confizzled as to why I was SO FREAKIN’ ANGRY, because, “MOOOOOM, I didn’t get out of the bed!”
For. The. Love.

Gurrrrl, I’ll Fix Your Hair

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This morning Emma (The Middle One) got impatient while I was dressing Sadie (The Wittle One) and asked Aubrey (The Oldest One) to fix her hair for school. And boy-hidee, did she EVER.

I asked if I could take a picture and Emma was proud to show off her ‘do. Aubrey was proud to show off her handiwork and Sadie was like, “A PICTURE? HEY, LOOK AT ME!!!”
It’s what we call a win/win/win.

Emma’s Antics *SIGH*

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My mother took Sadie (2-years-old) home with her for two days so I could reach my writing goal of completing my work-in-progress this week. Between running kids back and forth to school and doing all the things moms do, it’s still been hard to carve out time to write. Especially when Emma came home with a cold yesterday, which meant no school for her today… which meant I was still writing with kids hanging off of me. I had a couple of hours at home today and I set Emma up in the kitchen with the art supplies. She was painting with water for crying out loud. I was less than 10 feet away from her in the next room writing while she painted.

We had to run out the door to pick Aubrey up from school and run some errands and when we came home, almost TWO hours later, I saw THIS in the floor:


HOW was I with my kid for two hours totally unaware she was missing almost half of her hair?? Really?! I even stopped in a store and re-did her hair because her ponytail was falling down and her hair was everywhere… oh, okay…NOW I get it.

Emma’s Antics: iPhone

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Wow, it’s been awhile since I blogged about something Emma destroyed. She’s sort of passed the torch to Sadie, who takes her job very seriously.

But today, it was Emma who had my iPhone in its BRAND NEW Otterbox Defender case (which I just bought on amazon.com to replace my knock off Otterbox which Sadie destroyed after a few weeks.) My phone rang as I worked in the kitchen and I came into the den to hunt my phone down.

Emma: He-uh Momma, he-us is yah phone.

I picked up my phone, answered it, then pulled it away from my ear to see what was so sticky… that’d be Emma’s GUM which she had stuck in the speaker hole like it was the underside of a table at Waffle House.

I was able to remove most of the gum, but I really do think that all companies that advertise anything as indestructible should have to pass the Emma test first, just sayin’.
What’ve your kids destroyed?

Emma goes Little House

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Apparently Emma inhaled a little too much farm air this past weekend. I’m used to her channeling Punky Brewster, but this morning there was a definite Laura Ingalls vibe.

I let her dress herself for school everyday because:
1) I really don’t care.
2) It’s just easier.
3) She’ll have to wear uniforms next year anyway.

This morning she picked out what is technically a dress-up dress my mother got for the girls at a consignment shop, but in reality, it’s a dress some little girl was probably proud to rock out in 1987.

Emma requested two braids in her hair and I did the best I could, she doesn’t really have enough hair to braid yet…

Emma’s Antics: Sleep Excuse #7439

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We got home late from a family birthday party tonight, and I threatened the girls within inches of their lives about bedtime while we were still in the car. (Useful hint: Always talk to your kids about serious stuff when they are in 5-point harnesses,it facilitates eye contact.)

Cut to bedtime. Aubrey and Emma brushed their teeth and got in the bed. In the FIVE minutes it took for me to get Sadie in the bed, both of the older girls got up. Aubrey was actually on the toilet but I think Emma was sleep walking.

My mom ran into Emma in the hallway and said, “EMMA! You’d better get in the bed before your Momma sees you!”

Emma, as always, said, “But…I gotta tell you sumpin’…” She stared blankly at the wall for 30 seconds.

“WHAAT?” My mom asked.

“Uh…hab you seen da new Willy Wonka where dat gull gets turned into a JI-ANT BWUEBERRY?”

For the record, Emma hasn’t even seen it.