“I wuv be a big sthisther, buh I hab to wearn to wisten and fowwo da wules. wike a big gull- wike stay in da pence….”
Translation: I love to be a big sister but I have to learn to listen and follow the rules like a big girl- like stay in the fence..

Emma has learned a new phrase…poo-poo head. (Responsible party- you KNOW who you are.) This is almost a 4 letter word and definitely the worst word she knows. Our good friend TJ (4) has been hanging out with us a lot this weekend and whenever he and Aubrey get distracted and aren’t giving Emma enough attention she’ll scream at the top of her lungs, “POO-POO HEAD!”

Which leads to a chorus of whiny, nagging voices singing in unison, “Emma said poo-poo head!” (In the tattle-tale-tone-of-voice…you know the one.) We have tried time out, sending her to her room, ignoring her (by ‘we’ I mean me and the two 4 year-olds) and ostracizing her when she talks “ugly.” All to no avail.

Finally, at lunchtime today, Emma said “poo-poo head” one too many times. She wasn’t even calling anybody a name, she just said it for the shock factor. In a fit of desperation, I swept her off of her seat and on to the kitchen counter and did something I’d only heard about before…I grabbed a bottle of hot sauce. Aubrey elbowed TJ at the table and said, “Ohhhh, this ISN’T going to be cute!” I dabbed some hot sauce on my finger, pried her mouth open and put it on her tongue.

Emma’s crying was short lived but she was traumatized enough to tell me about 100 times:
“I not say poo-poo head anymore!”
I’m thinking if she’s repentant it doesn’t count, right?

My kids are mostly naked most of the time, or Nekkid as they like to say. If you show up at my house anytime of day, unless we have just walked in the door from somewhere, they are probably BOTH Nekkid.
Occasionally, they will don princess dresses and/or cowboy boots. But they prefer to be in panties and nothing more. Unless we have somewhere to go or someone is coming over, I really couldn’t care less if they are Nekkid or not.
Today, I drew a line in the sand and MADE them put clothes on. Anything. I didn’t care what it was. I was tired of their little nipples staring at me. There was a bribe involving Jell-O Jigglers, so Emma (the Bottomless Pit) RAN to get a shirt. She threw it on and sat down to finish her lunch. Aubrey walked in the kitchen, still in nothing but her birthday suit, and sat down at the table to finish eating. Emma looked at her condescendingly and exclaimed like a true Redneck, “GIT YOUR CWOTHES ON, NEKKID!”
“

Every night before we say our prayers (we do EVERYTHING before we say our prayers, apparently my kids have A LOT to be thankful for and the thank you for-stage could go on for hours,) we talk about our dreams.

Emma(2) LOVES to be in charge of this exercise. “What you dweam about Momma?” I try to make up something as silly as possible to get a good laugh out of them (hard to believe, I’m sure.) Emma will then say “Sissy, wha‘ you dweam about?” Aubrey’s(4) answers usually have to do with mermaids and junk food. Hey, that’s just who she is! Emma’s usually involve going to the beach with Shuggie (my mom) and Pop Pete’s waffles (Zeb’s dad makes homemade waffles in fun farm animal shapes, sometimes I dream about them too.)

This morning the girls came climbing in the bed with me to snuggle. (Of course before the sun came up…)
Emma said in the sweetest little voice, “Momma, wet’s calk about our dweams…”
Me: Oh baby, you are SO sweet!
Aubrey: HEY! I’m even sweeter than her! Her doesn’t even listen to you!

Well said, Aubrey. Well said.

(Please keep in mind when reading this that she can’t say her “L’s” or “R’s”)
Emma(2): Dear Lord, Thank you for my fam-i-ly, thank for my sisters, thank you for my best friend ever in the whole world, Poppa. Thank you Mary had a little lamb”
Me: Amen
Emma: (finger pointed in my face) No I not done yep. (Hands folded again,) Thank you for the farm, thank you cousins, thank you for Shuggie and waffles…
Me: Amen.
Emma: (finger in my face again) NO I NOT DONE YEP! Do dis Momma, (folds hands again.) Thank you for the Lord, thank you the stars and the trees.
Me: Emma, you know you can talk to God all by yourself when Mommy’s not in here, right?
Emma: (hands spread in amazement) OH MY GASH! (Not a typo, that’s how she says it.)