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Valentines for Da Boys

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Today Aubrey (6) and I wrapped her shoebox/Valentines mailbox for school. I’m pretty sure this was my very favorite activity we did every single year in school. I loved picking the perfect Valentine for all my friends and tried to save the very best Valentine for whoever (whomever??) I was in lurve with at the time.

Aubrey filled out all of her cards, all by herself, for the first time. She had chosen princess themed cards and she was making her way down the list of her classmates when she bolted upright and said, “OH NO!”
Me: What?
Aubrey: I can’t give GIRL Valentines to the boys!
Me: Why not?You’re a girl. They’re from you. You’re going to get ‘boy-ones’ from them…
Aubrey: MOOOOOOOOM. They are NOT gonna like that.
Me: Too bad. We’re not buying anymore.
Aubrey sighed and pushed her hair out of her eyes, “What-EV-er. I just hope Andrew doesn’t totally freak out.”

Just a few things…
1) When did my baby get old enough to say What-EV-er justlikehermomma?
2) It was pretty awesome that I didn’t have to fill out her cards for her. *pumps fist in air*
3) WHO is Andrew and WHY do we all of sudden care if he freaks out?



Snow Day

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I realize all my Canadian and Yankee friends are laughing, laughing, LAUGHING at The South right now, but this is the second biggest snowfall I’ve ever seen in my life. (About 3″.) It was 29 degrees last night and I thought. I. Was. Going to die. Wearing long sleeve pajamas with long pants, AND socks to sleep AND an extra blanket on the bed.
One of my friends on Facebook posted last night that it was -14 where she lives. My brain can’t even comprehend weather that cold. I start shivering and shaking with hypothermia just thinking about weather that cold.
Since we haven’t had snow fall like this since ’93 I figured we needed to live it up.
We went sledding on garbage can lids. Listen, when you are used to wearing shorts and flipflops on Christmas Day, you don’t usually have a sled in the garage.
I built the first snowman of my entire life. (War Eagle!) It’s mouth fell off right as I was clicking and I didn’t have the wherewithal to stay in the cold for one more second. Again, because I was sure that death by hypothermia was imminent if I stood outside for even one more second.
And we made snowcream. I used Paula Deen’s recipe and even set my bowl out last night, but something went awry.
Aubrey said, “Mom, this tastes like licking a car.”
I wondered how she knew what a car tasted like… until I tasted the snowcream. And now I know, too.

Dinnertime Conversations

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Me: I’m making hamburgers for dinner. Who wants one?
Aubrey: Can I have a turkey and pickle sandwich instead? I don’t feel like a hamburger.
Me: Sure. *inwardly giddy for a little less cooking* I make her sandwich and hand it to her.
Me: Emma what do you want?
Emma has been stealing snacks out of the pantry all afty.
Emma: Just a pickle sandwich, wike Sissy.
Me: Do you want a whole one or just a half? Are you hungry enough to eat a whole one?
Emma: No. I just want half.
Me: *gets one piece of bread out and starts to make a sandwich*
Emma: Two halves. Just like Aubrey.
Me: *groans*
It’s been a rough day. I fried bacon to put on my hamburger and one strip a piece for the girls, as soon as the smell hit the air Aubrey said, “Sometimes you just gotta eat bacon. Huh, Momma?”
Me: You got that right.
Aubrey: Momma, I am going to be a grownup before Emma, huh?
Me: Yes.
Aubrey to Emma: YOU are going to be so happy to be little when I’m an old lady.
(She is 6 and Emma is 4, soooo.)
What’s going on at your house during Hell Hour? (If you don’t know what Hell Hour/The Witching Hour is, you obviously don’t have kids. Email me and I will describe it in detail for you. Then, who knows, maybe you’ll never have kids.)

Happy Birthday to Me!

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Yes I did just wish myself a Happy Birthday. I am 33-years-old today. I’m really excited about it because I was sure I was going to be 34 until one of my friends did the math and told me I was only 33. It’s the best birthday gift ever, because I feel like I gained a year!

I’m spending the day in my happy place, i.e., in pajamas with my kids. Emma (4-years-old) did wake up with 103 degree fever this morning, but she hasn’t thrown up (yet) and Sister Wife called,got my grocery list and went to Wal-Mart for me so I didn’t have to drag all of my kids to the store. (Also the best gift ever.)

I have been channeling Paula Deen today, cooking up a storm and going through an alarming amount of butter. As I put the girls down for naps, Aubrey (6-years-old) asked me what we were going to have for dinner tonight.
Me: I’m making homemade macaroni and cheese, ham and green beans.
Aubrey: Ughhh, Momma. Ham is not healthy for you.
Me: It’s not THAT bad…
Aubrey: It has a lot of salt and is bad for your blood pressure…
Me: Whaaaaaa????

Whose kid is this? And where is mine?? Seriously, y’all. Give her back.

Aubrey Said: Hamster

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So I already told y’all the big girls are with my mom right now. I was on the phone with them earlier and they were in PetCo. (I know, I know. Their pictures are probably hanging on the wall in the break room with a sign that reads, “CALL PETA IMMEDIATELY. DO NOT APPROACH.”)

Aubrey got on the phone and said, “Momma, we are looking at these little baby hamsters and they are soooo cute! Momma I really want one. Can I have one or am I just going to have to deal with it?”

Me: Deal with it.
Aubrey: *sigh* Okay. Bye.

Zeb O’Bryant: Outlaw

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Last night Aubrey, six-years-old, went to her first spend-the-night party at my best friend’s house. This was a VERYBIGDEAL because I normally don’t let my kids spend the night away from home unless they are at their grandparents. I like having everyone under our roof at night and I detest the “sleepover hangover” the morning after. I let Aubrey have “almost sleepovers” often, this is when everybody comes in their p.j.s and stays up late watching movies but goes home before they start falling apart and crying for their mommas.

At any rate, she had a fabulous time and this morning I picked up Aubrey and two of her friends and brought them to our house to play for a little while. On the drive home I was sort of listening and sort of not as Aubrey talked to her friends Sara and Elizabeth, who are both older than she is but still sweet as pie.

Sara: Do you know what I saw on the news? This man stole a baby away from it’s momma and raised it until it was 16 then it’s momma found it!
Elizabeth: That’s wrong.
Aubrey: Oh! HEAVEN’S SAKES!
Elizabeth: Did you know you can go to jail if you punch a police officer? For six whole months… I saw it on T.V….
Aubrey: My daddy got arrested once…
Elizabeth: No he didn’t Aubrey!!
Aubrey: YES HE DID!
Me: Aubrey what are you talking about? Your daddy has never been arrested!
Aubrey: REMEMBER that time he was driving too fast and the police pulled him over and ARRESTED him?
Me: Honey! He was just driving too fast and the policemen told him to slow down! He didn’t even get a ticket!
Aubrey: Oh.
Elizabeth: I TOLD you, your Daddy didn’t get arrested!!

I’m wondering how many times she’s had this conversation when I wasn’t around to correct her?

Aubrey Tells Me Wassup

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I was talking to Aubrey two nights ago and explaining to her that I was going to be out of town for two days for my speaking engagement today. She had A LOT to say about what I should and shouldn’t say. She was especially concerned that I not say “that ‘S’ word that Daddy likes to say so much…” (That’d be ‘suck’.)

So before I left I tried to capture her on camera for you. And well, Baby Girl got her preach on…