Once again out of the clear blue sky, “Momma, are you going to get me a lava lamp for my birfday?” I don’t even know how she knows what that is…

At bedtime tonight I was trying to listen to Emma tell a story, while Aubrey made miscellaneous background noises.
Emma: Eh-body BE quiet! You hear my boice? BE QUI-ET!
Aubrey continued to make random sounds.
Me: Aubrey you are too loud, I can’t hear Emma’s story.
Aubrey: Ack-shully…it’s my iguana.

FYI, we don’t have any pets.

I was packing Aubrey’s lunch during her first week of school and decided to draw a picture for her. It was a classic stick figure drawing of a Mommy and a curly headed little girl holding hands, with hearts shooting in between them and I wrote underneath it “MOMMY LOVES AUBREY” I write and draw the exact same thing for her at least once a week on her Magnadoodle.

When Aubrey got home from school that afternoon, I asked, “Aubrey did you get the note I put in your lunchbox?” She flipped her hair over her shoulder rolled her eyes and said, “UH, I can’t READ, MOM!”

My bad.

After school today, Aubrey and I were baking cookies. She was playing with toys and pretending her play-doh globs were puppies. I heard her say something to her “dogs” about Lady & The Tramp, when all of a sudden that little head popped up and she asked, “Momma, WHAT is a tramp?”

Gulp.

Me: Um, ahhhh. Well, let me see. It’s a, well. Um. (Cursing in my head! Deep cleansing breath.) It’s a person who sleeps in a lot of different places…

Lucky for me the subject was dropped. But that was uncomfortable! (Not as uncomfortable as I’m going to be when she uses her new word for the first time, but still.) I’d like to know how YOU would have answered that question! Leave your thoughts in the comments section.

I was in my bathroom getting dressed today and Aubrey was following me from room to room just chattering away:
Aubrey: Hey, nice panties Momma!
Me: Um, thanks. (I chunked every pair of underwear that I couldn’t remember buying…) They’re a little bit big.
Aubrey: (cackling) Are they big enough for Daddy?
Me: (cackling with her) I don’t know about that!
Aubrey: (now wheezing she is laughing so hard!) What if Daddy wanted to wear your panties Momma? Would that be so funny? All the guys at work would laugh at him if he wore your panties!

I agreed between gasps of air and stomach cramps that “the guys at work” was most definitely find that humorous!

Earlier this week I was going to heat up some leftover spaghetti for Emma and me for lunch. I took the fridge apart looking for the leftover noodles and finally realized that my husband had jacked the entire bag and taken them to work. Usually this wouldn’t be a problem, but I had no noodles left to make and no other lunch options. I finally dug some macaroni noodles out of the pantry and made some old school beefaroni. I laughed about it and even posted on Facebook about the beefaroni, because that just happened to be what was being served at my kindergartner’s school that day.

At dinner that evening, Emma was picking at her food and my husband was encouraging her to eat.
Me: She’s probably not hungry, she had two huge bowls of salad and a giant bowl of BEEFARONI for lunch, because somebody jacked all of our noodles…
Aubrey’s head popped up from her plate. “HEY! There is a kid in my class who’s last name is that!”
Me: What?
Aubrey: A kid in my class has the last name BEEF-A-RONI!
I couldn’t help it, I laughed so hard I cried, knowing that the teacher was probably calling roll, and telling the kids what was being served in the cafeteria that day.
Aubrey crossed her arms across her chest and pouted, “QUIT having fun at me, MOMMA!”
“I’m sorry,” I said wiping the tears from my eyes, “I just don’t think there is anybody in your class named Beefaroni.”

If your last name is Beefaroni- my sincerest apologies to you and my daughter for “having fun” at both of you!

Aubrey loves school. We walked the first day but because the sand gnats were eating us alive, the second day I decided we would be better off driving. Just as we were leaving our neighborhood, Aubrey saw a school bus and screamed from the back seat, “MOMMA! I want to ride that bus!”

I explained to her that she isn’t quite old enough to ride the bus to school by herself, yet and maybe when she got a little older we could check into it. This seemed to satisfy her until I picked her up from school. The first thing she said when she saw me was, “I AM NOT TOO LITTLE! I saw them and they are all my size!”