The last time we read “Green Eggs and Ham,” Aubrey said her first “real” cuss word. Tonight she wanted to read it again. I opened the book and pointed to the first line, “I am Sam.”

Aubrey: Momma, don’t point at the words. I know what I’m doing.

Yesterday my husband, Zeb, was attempting to get Aubrey ready for kindergarten. She wears uniforms, so you would think that all he would have to do is grab a uniform, pour her a bowl of cereal and they could be out the door. But there are dress code rules, certain shirts are OK with skirts and not with jumpers, and while Aubrey has a firm grasp of these rules, her Daddy does not.

Zeb was trying to do me a favor and let me sleep late, because our three year old and one year old were still sleeping and we had nowhere to go. But at 7am Zeb shook me awake and said, “I need help. Aubrey is sprawled out in her floor crying about how I don’t understand the rules and she needs help. Help. Please.”

I got out of the bed and walked to Aubrey’s room to find her exactly as he had described. She cried harder when she saw me and said, “Momma! Daddy is making me crazy!” I hugged her and helped her find the clothes she wanted while she continued to lament trying to get dressed with her Daddy’s help.

“He wanted me to wear a T-SHIRT with my skirt!” She cried.

“I know, honey, he was trying to help you.”

“But I told him I could only wear my button shirt with my skirt! And he didn’t care!”

“He just didn’t know.”

About this time, I had finished braiding Aubrey’s hair and she was dampening her hands to pat down some of the frizz from her curls. Zeb walked into the bathroom holding a toasted waffle in his hand and set it on the bathroom counter. “Here you go Aubrey,” he said, trying once again to be helpful.

Aubrey turned to me with her hands on her hips and burst into tears, “DO YOU SEE MOMMA? I want my waffle ON A PLATE! WITH SYRUP! IN THE KITCHEN! SEE, Momma!”

Here is just one of the many entertaining conversations I participated in with Aubrey (5) and her best friend Elizabeth (7) on our way home from school this week.

E: Mrs Robin, this boy in my class cuts the cheese in the lunchroom ALL the time!
Me: Ew! Gross! Does he get in trouble?
E: No. Nobody tells on him.
A: He cuts cheese? Why doesn’t his Mommy cut it for him at home?
(Elizabeth doubled over with laughter.)
E: THE cheese, Aubrey! It means he tooted.
A: He tooted when he cut the cheese? (confused face)
E: (still giggling) No! It means he tooted….cutting the cheese means somebody tooted!
A: OOOOOHHH! Gross! Why does he toot at lunch?

We got home and all the girls were playing together. Aubrey came running into the kitchen and yelled, “Momma! Sadie cut the chicken!”

Me: Huh?
Aubrey: It MEANS she’s got a pant load.

Aubrey: Hey, Momma! Look what I can do! I can wink both of my eyes at the same time!

Aubrey is in love. Again. With the boy next door. Again. He is a doll (again, heehee) and he is in her class at school. He looks like her little male soul mate with curls and freckles to rival her own. I asked her yesterday if she talked to her “boy” at school and she said, “Welllll, I just said ‘Heee-eey, you cutie patootie!’ every time I walked past him.”

Apparently she is playing hard to get.

Because it snowed today! Aubrey has been praying for snow for over a year. There wasn’t a chance of that happening in South Carolina, but you can NOT imagine how ecstatic my 5-year old was when she realized it was snowing this morning. She screamed at the top of her lungs, “OH MY GOSH! IT SNOWS IN MISSISSIPPI!”

On our way to Aubrey’s first day of school, she continued to marvel at the Winter Wonderland. “You’d better thank God for the snow,” I told her. “You’ve been asking Him for it for a long time.”

“OH! You’re right Momma. Thanks God! Momma, God is such a wonderful guy.”

I couldn’t agree more.