Nudge The Nest & Pray They Fly
When I got out Sadie’s Halloween costume last week Aubrey said, “Oh Momma! Is Sadie going to be a bumblebee?”
Me: Yes.
Aubrey: Why? Because she hurts everybody?
Me: NO!
*on the inside thinking…maybe yes*
How can someone that cute be so flippin’ rough?
My children have had enough Halloween candy already. ENOUGH. This day, this week… they are on my nerves.
Sadie bit another child at preschool unprovoked. Or I should say, she bit the same little boy for the fifth time in about as many weeks. They STILL haven’t kicked her out of school, so we just went ahead and dropped out. I can’t keep sending my kid up there to beat the crap out of other kids and I can’t control what she does when she’s not with me… so what else can I do?
Sadie literally stood in between my legs while I attempted to make lunch today and only left long enough to bite her sister. I was a little excited for a chance to discipline her for biting and since Time Out is her very favorite place to go, I dabbed a little Tabasco on her tongue.
Sadie: WAHHHH!
Me: Do you like that? Do you want some more?
Sadie: *stops crying* Yeah.
Me: *starts crying*
In the meantime, Emma has bitten into a glow stick from last night’s carnival. When I started helping her rinse her mouth, Sadie took the opportunity to grab a fistful of coffee grounds. Guess she was coming down from her high fructose corn syrup buzz and needed a little caffeine to help push her through until nap time.
Seriously? Make it stop.
My best friend, Sister Wife, aka Crunchy Yogurt Organic Whole Grain Momma, decided to be a real smart aleck during our tailgating party on Saturday and pour Coke in my baby’s bottle. I realize I’ve wooed myself into her children’s good graces via Cheetos, slushies and the occasional Fruit Roll-Up I pack in Aubrey’s lunch box for Sister Wife’s son, but this was extreme. Especially for someone who only buys organic milk.
Don’t worry. Sister Wife’s baby, who has been off the bottle for months (what a quitter, no bottle at 18 months. PSHAW I say to you!) was toting her veddy own Coke bottle faster than you could say, “Silver amalgam fillings.”
THIS is what you look like….
When you eat your ice cream cone like it’s a chicken wing….
After school yesterday Aubrey and I were having our standard “What did you do at school today?” conversation and Aubrey said, “We ate an owl at snack time.”
I assumed she was joking.
Me: Did it taste like chicken?
Aubrey: Yeah, sort of…
I was stunned. I realize hunting is big around here and at some really fancy restaurants you can order anything from duck and dove to alligator. But eating an owl seemed wrong…at the worst, illegal (aren’t they endangered or something??) At the very best, it seemed a little disturbing for kindergartners to be eating an owl.
Me: Seriously? Y’all ate an owl?
Aubrey began laughing hysterically. “HAHAHAHA!! MOMMA! I got you!! It was a cookie shaped like an owl!”
Ah, grasshoppah your skills impress me.