Giveaway Winners
Near Death Spray-Tanning Experience
Here is this week’s newspaper column. It’s scary. Brace yourselves.
This past weekend my husband and I were heading out of town all by ourselves to go to a friend’s wedding reception. My mother came to town to keep our kids and we were seriously looking forward to having a weekend getaway sans children. For a couple of weeks leading up to the party, I performed the ever famous, “Whatever Will I Wear?” monologue for my husband. I was torn between wearing something in my closet and feeling like I needed something new.
Since the first of the year I have been, very literally, working my butt off trying to lose “my baby weight.” (Yes, my “baby” is two. Shut up. I’ve been busy.) At any rate, I’ve lost a little weight in the last few weeks but I just wasn’t ready to buy new clothes. It seemed like a waste of money and I decided I would rather make-do until I get closer to my goal weight. So in lieu of a new outfit for the party, I opted for a spray tan. It’s common knowledge that brown fat is more attractive than white fat, so I figured I’d feel cuter in the same dress I’ve worn to every event for the last two years if I was slightly brown.
I’ve had spray tans before and you normally have the two following options: go to a booth where you get sprayed by a machine but leave with orange hands and feet, or get airbrushed by an actual person. But as far as I know, here in Greenwood, Miss. we don’t have spray tanning booths. No ma’am. We have people who will airbrush your body like a car needing a new paint job. Or a mini-van… or a tank… whatever, you get the idea.
So I gritted my teeth, tried not to think about it too hard and walked right in the salon like nobody was about to see me nekkid. (I will save you all an email and tell you that I know how to spell naked, but I prefer nekkid because that is how I say it. I’m very Southern, y’all.) I made small talk with my friend who owns the shop and concentrated on trying to keep my breathing slow and steady.
Then suddenly the girl called me to the back. My heart was hammering in my chest as we walked down the hallway and she said, “I love your boots. Those are so cute!”
“Yeah, thanks. You’re going to need to concentrate on how cute my boots are for the next ten minutes, ‘cause I’ll tell you what’s not cute: Me. Nekkid.”
I stripped down in the bathroom, wrapped myself in the robe they had given me and made my way to the partitioned off area of the salon that they use for new paint jobs. I hung my robe on the corner of the privacy screen and stood stock still for a humiliating ten minutes. I held my breath, closed my eyes and turned every few minutes so that I got an even coat. Finally, we were done.
I sighed with relief and reached for my robe. But before I could actually get the robe in my hands, I bumped the screen. Hard. So hard in fact, that it wobbled unsteadily for approximately half of a second, half of a second that seemed like eternity. Half of a second in which I simultaneously threw up in my mouth and my heart flatlined.
In my mind, I saw the screen crashing all the way to the ground. I saw myself trying to decide which parts to cover with my hands as all the women in the salon stopped what they were doing to stare at my nekkid, but admittedly, sun-kissed body. Brown fat is only more attractive than white fat if you don’t see it all at the same time.
The screen righted itself just as quickly as it wobbled and I almost cried out in relief. I hurriedly swathed myself in the robe while chanting, “Thank you, Jesus. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!”
So my naked, fluorescent-white flesh has been burned permanently into the stylist’s memory… big deal. So what if I have nightmares about that screen actually crashing to the ground for the rest of my life? I guess that’s just the price I’ll have to pay for sun-kissed skin in the dead of winter.
Super Mom: Erin Macpherson
I “met” Erin Macpherson after getting lost in a rabbit hole of links while reading blogs one day. I left a comment on her blog, she left a comment on mine and before I knew it the emails were flying back and forth. We’ve been talking about everything from pregnancy and breastfeeding to writing and I. Love. Her. Seriously. And I think you will too.
She blogs over on The Christian Mama’s Guide and her book, “The Christian Mama’s Guide to Pregnancy” is “one Christian mama’s take on everything pregnancy—from stretch marks to weight gain to labor and delivery. Full of helpful tips (how exactly do you quell that not-just-in-the-morning sickness) and amusing anecdotes (are you saying everyone doesn’t crave peanut butter and olive sandwiches?), ‘The Christian Mama’s Guide to Having a Baby’ has the advice you want to hear (and some you don’t).” It’s available to order right now on Amazon or keep reading for a chance to win one of THREE copies Erin is giving away here! (Even if you are done having babies, what a great gift for a mother-to-be!)
I am so excited to introduce you to Erin!
How did you get into writing?
It actually kinda fell into my lap. I used to be a high school Spanish teacher. In May of 2005, I started feeling funny and after 8 weeks of thinking I had the flu, I finally figured out that I was pregnant (duh!). I confess: I was upset.
I loved my job and wasn’t sure how I was going to juggle being a mom and having a career, but I also knew we didn’t have the money for me to stay home. A few months later, my husband saw an ad onCraig’s List that said “New Mom Writers Wanted”. The requirements for the job were a Masters Degree or higher in English and published writing experience. I had neither. But I applied anyway. A few months later I got a call from the recruiter who said that she knew I was totally unqualified for the job but she just “had a feeling”. I knew it was a God thing– because there was no way in a million years that I should’ve gotten that job.
Anyway, I was hired as a writer and editor for Nickelodeon’s Parents Connect and after spending five years writing for them about pregnancy and baby (and loving it!), I decided to branch out and try writing about the topics I loved (pregnancy and parenting) from a Christian perspective. I was fortunate enough to find an amazing agent who sold my book to Guideposts and from there, I became a writer.
(Very important factoid for anyone interested in writing- Erin DOES have an amazing agent, Rachelle Gardner. Rachelle’s blog on writing, publishing and literary agents is my top read for all things literary. The information and resources available on her blog are AH-MAZING. If you have a writing question, search Rachelle’s archives. I betcha’ $20 she’s answered it.)
Fave authors to read for fun.
Oh, goodness. There are so many. I love reading for fun. To name a few: Francine Rivers, John Grisham, Jody Hedlund, Kathi Lipp, Pati Lacy, Sandra Bricker…
Have you always wanted kids?
Yes, I always wanted kids, but I admit that when I got pregnant for the first time, I was shocked. I didn’t want kids YET. I felt like I was too young (I was 27) and had so much more I wanted to do before I started on the mommy thing. Of course, I was wrong.
What about motherhood is so much better than you thought it would be? What is the hardest or most surprising thing about motherhood?
Right away, I was shocked by motherhood. I was stunned that I got pregnant, then I was stunned at how hard pregnancy was. It was exponentially harder than I expected, which made me resent motherhood before I had even held my baby. Then I had my son and I was shocked at how wonderful it was– I was shocked that I could bond with someone that quickly and at how fiercely I could love him. It was amazing– and so much better than I expected.
The other thing about motherhood that’s better than I expected is having “older” kids. Now that my son is five, it’s so fun to just have conversations with him… he’s so smart and funny and engaging that I find myself actually enjoying him. I used to assume that conversations with my kids would be a chore… full of baby talk and chatter about cartoons but that’s so not true!
Most hated household chore?
Grocery shopping and Laundry. It’s a tie. Grocery shopping because it’s awful trying to keep two toddlers happy while figuring out what to make for dinner and laundry because it never ends.
If you had an entire day to yourself with no kids or responsibilities, what would you do with your day?
Hmmm… I’d wake up early (I’m so not a late sleeper) and go out on the patio and read a novel with my coffee. Then I’d go to lunch with my sisters and spend the afternoon window shopping.
Erin is so excited about her book that she is giving THREE of them away here! All you have to do is hop on over to her blog and sign up as a follower, leave a comment here and let me know you did it! I will choose three names via a random number generator and I’ll announce the winners on Valentine’s Day! Get busy!
Sleepy Much?
Sadie (2) falls asleep in the car on a regular basis when we are going to pick Emma (4) up from preschool, but I can never get her transferred to her bed without waking her up. Then she cries. And we read books. And we sing the ABCs. And we rock. And we sing Barney. And we rock. And finally she sleeps.
OR when I spent 45 minutes grocery shopping. Seriously, I’ve been tired in my life, but I don’t EVER think I’ve been tired enough to sleep on a wire rack.
Emma’s Antics: The Window
Valentines for Da Boys
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