Robin's Chicks

Nudge The Nest & Pray They Fly

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Six Little Words

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I am entering a scholarship contest for a women’s conference called She Speaks. (Click the link for more info about the conference.) In order to enter I had to write my story in just six words. Here it is:
My mistakes. His mercy. My joy.
What is your six word story?

April Fools

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(comic via www.whiteninjacomics.com)
Oh how I love April Fool’s Day, a day dedicated to fools and celebrating their gullibility. (That is actually a real word.)
I love to play tricks on people. Last year, I stole an idea from Gretchen Rubin, author of “The Happiness Project”, and stuck a bowl of Cheerios, milk and a spoon in the freezer on March 31st. The idea was to serve Aubrey her breakfast with the spoon frozen in the bowl. I did it. I thought it was hilarious– she cried. I learned a valuable lesson: No tricking my own chirren. They don’t like it.
This morning on twitter, I read where one of my tweeps had drawn pencil-thin mustaches on her children last night while they slept. I turned green with envy. I want to do that to my kids. But I don’t want to make them cry. So I am behaving and reflecting on April Fool’s Days gone by…
Like the time I was in high school and my mother took me and a bunch of my friends to the beach. The night before we were supposed to leave me and my girlfriends snuck out to the parking lot and moved one of the guy’s car to the parking lot of another building. It was actually his mother’s Volvo. We told my mom what we had done then put his keys back where we had found them and went to sleep.
We didn’t say anything the next morning. We just sat at the window and laughed until we cried as he and the rest of the guys wandered aimlessly around the parking lot looking for his car. There was a lot of head scratching and, “I swear we left it right here”s. My girls and I pulled ourselves together as the guys came back inside and asked us where the car was. We shrugged.

WHATEVER did they mean?? The car was missing? *shocked faces all around*

My mother, who loves a prank, put her hands on her hips and said, “Girls if y’all did something with his car you need to tell me right now, because I’m about to call the police.”
We swore to my mother, who knew exactly where the missing Volvo was parked, that we were innocent. She walked to the wall phone (GEEZ, remember those!?) which she had already unplugged and pretended to call 911 to report a stolen car. The guys were totally freaking out, especially our friend who was about to call his mother and tell her her car was gone. About the time she hung up the phone, we couldn’t contain ourselves any longer and we fell apart.
BUT, my very favorite April Fool’s prank involved Sister Wife (my bestie, don’t worry we share everything but clothes and husbands.) I can’t even remember what prank her husband played on her, which should tell you just how insignificant it was. But we were vengeful. We spent an entire morning plotting our revenge. What would scare him out of his mind?
Wifey has three small children and there were no plans for more, so we decided she would tell her husband she was pregnant. But just SAYING it so soon after he had pranked her, wouldn’t be sufficient. No, we really needed to scare him and show him who he was dealing with. He had to be convinced that she was knocked up. Then, like manna from heaven, the idea came.
Wifey went to the drugstore and bought a pregnancy test, drove to our pregnant friend’s house and made her pee on the stick. Wifey waited until her husband was outside cutting the grass, then walked out of the house with her most serious face. She said solemnly, “We need to talk,” then pulled the positive pregnancy test out of her pocket.
He froze. “I can’t talk about this right now. Give me a minute…”
She nodded and walked into the house without so much as a smile and waited while he cut the yard in turmoil. (Are you crying yet? I am. I so love this story.)
It wasn’t until he finished cutting the entire yard that he came inside and she broke the good news. He was so relieved, I don’t think it even crossed his mind to be angry.
Sigh. I need a prank, people. Help me to live vicariously through you.
What is your favorite April Fool’s Day or prank story?

Tell me, or all my kids are getting eye-liner mustaches tonight and it’ll be all your fault.

Emma Sings For God

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Y’all just don’t know how much better this makes me feel about my parenting skillz. Seriously–all those Katy Perry and Lady Gaga songs she knows the words to don’t seem so bad right now.
My favorite line is “He is bigger than a whale and nobody’s in charge of him and because he’s bigger than a whale, he’s bigger than you.” Truth, baby girl. Truth.

Bad Mommy/Sadie Sings

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The girls love to take my iPhone into their bedroom for Dance Parties and for this very reason I have downloaded two albums of KidzBop songs from iTunes. But apparently, on more than one occasion, they have chosen to listen to my work out mix instead.
While changing Sadie’s diaper tonight and preparing to tuck the chunky monkey into bed… she sang:
When I collapsed in laughter on her bedroom floor she yelled, “DOP WAPPIN’ AT ME! EE NAH PUNNY!”
Oh, I beg to differ.
If me and my chicks make you LOL, please take LITERALLY 5 seconds and vote for me as one of Circle of Moms Top 25 Funniest Moms!
(And to save some of you an e-mail that was The Black-Eyed Peas “My Humps.” And yes, I realize this speaks volumes about my parenting skillz.)

Just Chillin’

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Sadie can open the refrigerator now. It is super annoying.
I am my mother. “Close the door! Are you trying to cool the whole flippin’ HOUSE?”
Apparently, Sadie was put off by my constant nagging/mothering and decided to send me a little message– Dexter-Style. I opened the fridge last night and had a mini-heart attack when I saw this.
Touche, Sadie. Touche.

(Please ignore the spilled and dried Diet Caffeine Free Dr Pepper hanging out in the corner. I’ll clean it up eventually.)
Thanks to everyone who is voting for me on Circle of Moms Top 25 Funniest Moms! I’m in the top 7 but, Y’ALL these people are FOR REAL. Moms are climbing over each other’s heads and acting like it’s 1984 and there is only one Cabbage Patch Kid doll left. Go VOTE! It’s only ONE click- you don’t even have to enter your email address! You can vote once a day until March 28th! (If you post the link as your FB status I’ll give you my first born child… or the second. The third, as established above, is pretty scary and not housebroken yet, so I’ll keep her for now. But you can have your pick of the other two.)

Emma’s Antics: Shaving Accident

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Emma: Momma, I hut my hand in da baffroom.

Me: You did? Lemme see…

Me: Yeah, you did. What happened?

Emma: *blank stare*
I had a motherly premonition and Hub’s razor sitting on the bathroom counter flashed in my mind.
Me: EMMA… were you playing with Daddy’s razor?
Emma: *eyes get wider and she frowned*
My mom: What in the world were you shaving, honey?
Emma: Ummmm… my hand.
Whaaaaaaaat? I got nuthin’. No idea why.
No. Idea.
(Just to save you an e-mail, we had a very serious and lengthy discussion about why we don’t shave our hands. Or play with razors. I was Scary Mommy.)