Robin's Chicks

Nudge The Nest & Pray They Fly

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Emma Said: Nekkid

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My kids are mostly naked most of the time, or Nekkid as they like to say. If you show up at my house anytime of day, unless we have just walked in the door from somewhere, they are probably BOTH Nekkid.
Occasionally, they will don princess dresses and/or cowboy boots. But they prefer to be in panties and nothing more. Unless we have somewhere to go or someone is coming over, I really couldn’t care less if they are Nekkid or not.
Today, I drew a line in the sand and MADE them put clothes on. Anything. I didn’t care what it was. I was tired of their little nipples staring at me. There was a bribe involving Jell-O Jigglers, so Emma (the Bottomless Pit) RAN to get a shirt. She threw it on and sat down to finish her lunch. Aubrey walked in the kitchen, still in nothing but her birthday suit, and sat down at the table to finish eating. Emma looked at her condescendingly and exclaimed like a true Redneck, “GIT YOUR CWOTHES ON, NEKKID!”
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Big Girra Bathing Suit

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I finally broke down yesterday and bought a bathing suit. I was hoping against hope that by some MIRACLE I would be able to wear one of the million I already own, but no dice. I couldn’t fit Sadie’s meal tickets into anything I already had.

I went to Target, and bought a “Big Girra Bathing Suit.” I flattered myself with the first size I chose and MADE it go on to my body, with Lycra snapping and crackling as I pulled, stretched and sucked it in. After seeing my reflection closely resembled an Italian sausage I’d seen once, I was forced to get another size.

This should have meant that I took off the suit and put my clothes back on to go get a new suit. If you’re shopping for clothes somewhere you can also buy an ICEE or a foot-long-hot-dog, you need to realize that NO ONE is going to come knock softly on your door to see if you need another size. I’m lazy though, so I put on the swimsuit cover-up I was trying on and walked to get another size, dressed for the pool.

I’m NOT going to tell you what size I got, though I will say it had a “W” behind the numberS. (Plural. As in there was more than one.) Not that I care. There will be plenty of time to lose weight after I finish breastfeeding and my body stops fighting with me to hold on to these last 20 pounds.

I called my sister while I was checking out and she texted back, “I’m in Weight Watcher’s can’t talk, call u later :)” I texted her back, “How many points are a Butterfinger and a Coke cuz that’s what I’m eating RIGHT now?”

Aubrey Said: Extra Hands

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This morning my mom was feeding Sadie (4 months) a bottle, and holding Emma (2 yrs) in her lap while she talked on the phone to my sister (*27 and holding). Aubrey (4) walked up to her and asked my mom to get something for her. My mom looked at Aubrey and said, exasperated, “I’ve only got two hands, Aubrey!” Aubrey said, “Oh, you’re not an octopus?”

*I would like to publicly apologize to my sister for rounding up. As a woman I should have known better, you always round DOWN when dealing with matters of weight and age. Sorry.

Shuggie

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“WHAT”, you have asked,”is a Shuggie?” Let me define it for you:

Shuggie– n. slang, derivative of the Latin meaning Sugar Momma
A grandmother or older woman who gives tirelessly of her time, money, energy and love to anyone and everyone. She expects nothing in return. She can sleep in any climate or environment, regardless of temperature and/or sleeping conditions, including but not limited to: sleeping on a pool float, a mattress in a garage, or in a double bed with two squirming and sweaty preschoolers. A Shuggie’s diet may vary depending on her surroundings and how many other hungry mouths need to be fed. It is common for a Shuggie to wait for small children and young, exhausted mother’s to eat before ever even considering her own hunger. A Shuggie is also known for driving great distances in order to put other’s needs ahead of her own. To find a Shuggie of your very own, you’ll have to pray, only God knows how to make something this good.

Aubrey Said: Beer

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This morning Aubrey was snuggling in the bed with her Shuggie while I slept soundly. (Hallelujah!)
They were looking through ads which had been sent to the house and Aubrey was quizzing my mother about what each ad said and picking out the letters she recognized.

There was an ad for teeth whitening, Aubrey asked Shuggie, “What does that say?”
“Brush your teeth twice a day,” Shuggie told her.

Aubrey flipped the ad over and saw another ad, this one for some sort of beer. It had a party scene on it and everyone had a bottle in their hands. “Does that make your teeth whiter, Shuggie?” “No,” my mother answered her, “it doesn’t.”

Aubrey immediately said, “Does it make you dance?” Dumbfounded my mother said she guessed it did. It’s a good thing she didn’t ask me, I would have told her it’ll make you howl at the moon if you drink too much of it!

Countdown to Disney

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We are T-minus 8 days and counting before we hit the road for Orlando. My husband has been looking forward to this trip since BEFORE we actually had children. He has been scouring the brochures and maps like a true tourist.

I have REPEATEDLY reminded him that he is going to be with an infant, a 2 year old and a 4 year old, but I’m not sure he gets it. I’m thinking I probably need one of those harness things with a leash (you know the kind kids wear at the mall) for him so I can keep up with him.

At the very least I should probably look into to buying some sort of sedative to slip in his coffee every morning so that he doesn’t scare the children with his overt enthusiasm.