Things you shouldn’t talk about on Facebook if you are a Christian living in the Deep South who also is somewhat of a public figure: Gay people and Civil Rights.
It’s possible that I have once again alienated a large portion of my readership by not conforming to what is status quo around these parts.
The same bill that was passed in Arizona then vetoed by the governor is in the Mississippi Congress right now. I changed my profile picture to protest what I think is a violation of human rights.
I never knew rainbows made people so angry.
Then the questions started coming.
“What’s this?”
Me: This is me not wanting to live in a state that would pass laws that would set us back 50 years. This is me wanting to be on the right side of history and publicly telling my gay friends that I love them and I think Jesus does too. And this is me saying I’ll never give my business to anyone who discriminates against people for their personal beliefs.
“Jesus, does love them… And we should too. But, he didn’t condone sin – he died for it. The Cross is our reminder of the extent of His love for us and His payment for what He declares sin. Standing up for what is right? What standard determines “right”, for the Christian, is God’s word. He defines right, not us. And His side is always the right side of history.”
Me: Yes that’s what the Old Testament says but Mark 12: 30-31 “Jesus said, ‘And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength.The second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.No other commandment is greater than these.’”
In my personal opinion to mistreat someone because of the “sin” you see in their lives is NOT loving your neighbor as you love yourself unless you want people to start getting turned away from businesses for ANY semblance of sin in their lives. I’m not going to be the one that tosses that stone. My job is love people regardless of what I think about their life choices. The God I serve is big enough to deal with that on His own.
And honestly, I’d rather God rebuke me for loving a sinner too much (is that really a thing) than rebuke me for neglecting “the least of these.” I’d rather err on the side of love.
I don’t get it. Honestly, I don’t. You have to know that I raised as a VERY conservative Christian. But where I was raised that came with a lot of other crap– a lot of leftover racism and hatred that was prettied up with a carefully chosen Scripture or two. There was a very prominent “separate but equal” viewpoint about African American people. I didn’t question it for several years even though it never felt right to me. I heard things like, “They are just different than we are.” “It’s okay to be friends with them but you just don’t want to marry one of them.”
The stance of so many Christians today about LGBT people reminds me so much of the racist views of the past and several months ago I decided I simply couldn’t be silent anymore.
Largely, my readership was very quiet about what I said– which in the South means they weren’t happy. My regulars who almost always comment on my posts were silent and I realized I’d probably lost a portion of my readers. But then I started getting emails from the gay community– heartbreaking, moving stories from real people who had been hurt by the church– cast out and told that they were too dirty, too unworthy for God. It broke my heart and made me more determined to publicly love them.
But now that I’ve stirred the pot, I’m ready to just go all in and say everything I want to say on the subject. Fact of the matter is– if I’ve lost readers over this issue, they’re going to be burning copies of Are You There God? It’s Me, Mommy to keep their feet warm at night.
So let’s just do this thang– if the church thinks homosexuals are sinners– what is the church doing to reach them? How many people who are sitting in church every Sunday have gay friends? How many people who think they are sinners are going out of their way to get to know them and LOVE them and show them God’s love?
Doesn’t the Bible say that it’s the goodness of God that draws man to repentance? (It does.) Why does the church think that telling them they are sinners is going to bring them in? Why aren’t churches AGGRESSIVELY pursuing them? Because if the church really believes that it’s a sin and a choice, shouldn’t that make LGBT the most unreached people group in the world? And the easiest to reach financially? You don’t even need a passport!
I can read, I know what the Bible says about homosexuality I also know that it says we should stone women who aren’t virgins on their wedding nights. I am not God. I am not Jesus and it’s above my pay grade to think that I have the discernment to know somebody’s heart.
I believe the Bible, but I also believe that the God I love is too huge, too majestic and too all encompassing to be contained in between two leather covers. I cannot fathom the mind and the depths of God’s love for me, so it terrifies me to make a judgement on anyone else’s lifestyle. *I’m too focused on what an asshat I am from day to day.
*Someone shared this video from Momastery on my page last night and it was right on point.
I don’t understand the confusion between morality and civil rights.
Morality- what YOU believe to be right or wrong.
Civil rights- rights that protect individuals’ freedom from infringement by governments and private organizations, and ensure one’s ability to participate in the civil and political life of the state without discrimination or repression.
Do people really think anyone should be denied basic civil rights for being “immoral”?
Where does that bus stop?
Can morality be legislated?
For me, the bottom line is this– Jesus said in Matthew 25: 41-45,
“Then he will turn to the ‘goats,’ the ones on his left, and say, ‘Get out, worthless goats! You’re good for nothing but the fires of hell. And why? Because—
I was hungry and you gave me no meal,
I was thirsty and you gave me no drink,
I was homeless and you gave me no bed,
I was shivering and you gave me no clothes,
Sick and in prison, and you never visited.’
“Then those ‘goats’ are going to say, ‘Master, what are you talking about? When did we ever see you hungry or thirsty or homeless or shivering or sick or in prison and didn’t help?’
“He will answer them, ‘I’m telling the solemn truth: Whenever you failed to do one of these things to someone who was being overlooked or ignored, that was me—you failed to do it to me.’
I commend you for standing up for what is right, even at the cost of losing some readers. Your beliefs are your beliefs. We don’t all have to agree, but it seems like we should all still be able to get along.
For the record, I do agree that we shouldn’t discriminate against anyone.
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Well said, compassion should apply equally for all.
Goosebumps. So proud of my fellow Mississippian for being a Christian and standing up ‘for the least of these’.
I love you. I have said so many of these exact same things, but you did so more eloquently than I have yet managed. Thank you.
I applaud you for speaking up for what you believe despite that it may be unacceptable to some of your readers. Treating humans compassionately and with respect is just right. Who are we to judge? If you believe that sort of thing, let God do the judging and treat people with love and compassion.
Agreed. People are crazy. Bottom line.
Well said. Love your compassion and am so in agreement.
Preach! Love this, and couldn’t agree more.
This so hits home with me. I have friends and relatives who are gay and sometimes take flack for still associating with them. I’ve even been told I am a “liberal” (shudder the thought!) because of it. They can’t see that you can be a Christian and still associate with homosexuals. I want to tell them “how can you be a Christian and not love the homosexuals?” I’m pretty sure that “Love One Another” didn’t come with caveats – like “love one another, as long as they are a different race, from a different country, in a different tax bracket, practice a different religion, or are gay”.
I have often told my friends that if you can look in your friend’s (loved one’s, child’s) face and tell them that you no longer love them or want to be around them, then I’m pretty sure you never loved them at all. I couldn’t turn my back on my gay friends and relatives and I don’t think God expects me to turn my back on them.
Well said! This is exactly why I love your blog.
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Thank you for being brave and taking a stand for what is right and good and loving. As a lefty Canadian with Country-wide gay rights (including marriage), I hope and pray that you guys catch up sooner rather than later. Absolutely love your blog.
Thank you. I’m currently being stoned on Facebook so it’s glad to know I still have friends!
Oh, yes, you do have MANY friends who are still with you and so grateful for your bravery in the face of small-mindedness. A local church here in your former home of SC recently voted to send their Boy Scout troop elsewhere because the national organization of BSA no longer discriminates against homosexuals. WHAT?! You, Robin, continue to be a breath of fresh air. You went way out on that limb away from your humor to speak out. Thank you so much for not bowing to the pseudo-christian mindset.
BRAVO!
Wow! I didn’t realize there were so many people who were without sin” on Facebook! You go girl. I’m proud of you!
Facebook can be a pretty scary place, no? It’s refreshing to me to see a conservative person supporting the gay community. I, too, was raised that being gay was “weird”……and now I have a gay daughter! I’ve always believed that love is love – with all the hate and awful things in the world, WHY would anyone be against one human being loving and caring for another? Don’t we all want to be loved and cared for? I was raised Catholic, but after I was divorced, I learned that I was no longer able to take communion at church, because my marriage was not annulled and I did not remarry in the Catholic church. That left me with a bit of a distaste for church in general. If “religion” preaches discrimination and hate, then I’ll just stick to my own relationship with God – he and I are on good terms!
Thank you for not caving in to the pressure of the negative feedback you’re receiving – being true to yourself is really what’s important. And I think you have a lot of people who feel the same way. There is just too much craziness in the world and we all need more love!
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Thank you for sharing that!!
doing what’s right isn’t always popular and doing what’s popular isn’t always right. good for you for saying what so many believe but are afraid to!
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I completely agree and am with you. These laws are madness and Christians need to stand up for what’s right.
Thank you from one straight Southern Gay Rights ally to another. #LeanTowardsLove
I love this so much. You have said what I try to say better than I ever could.I will admit I’ve never read you before, but I will be reading now. I may just bookmark your response up there in the italics and use it myself. So very, very well said. Thank you thank you thank you!!
You might have lost some readers, but you’ve gained some too.
Bravo! Sorry for your FB experience, I will go and counter the stone throwers with some support!
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Thanks for standing up for what is right. I am always amazed at the narrow-mindedness that “good Christians” exhibit. It is NOT mine to judge anyone. I may not understand or agree with someone or in his case the lifestyle but they are ALL God’s children.
Wholeheartedly agree. So many Christians are missing the point. You can love a person without condoning their sin! How many of us love people in our lives with sexual sin? We wouldn’t think it’s fair if their laws were taken away. Thank you for standing up and speaking truth.
I am proud of you for talking about it. I am so tired of hearing hate the sin, love the sinner. I’ve been married 3 times. Yes THREE times. This last one is good. People want to judge me and they don’t even know the backstory. I don’t feel welcomed in church. I feel judged. Church is not a safe place for us common “sinners”. Oh wait, we are all sinners. The church wants to talk about gay sin, but not the “acceptable sins” like anxiety, worry, gossip, and gluttony (church smorgasbords anyone?)
I think Christians should want marriage just as a vow between couples, not a government function. As a government contract or agreement it should be open to all.
amen!
I could not be more proud to be one of your social media followers right now!! You are brave and beautiful and loving, and I am thoroughly impressed!!!
The issue of marriage is very important and biblically is meant to be between a man and a woman. I agree wholeheartedly with the pursuit of lgbt people rather than the alienation. BUT to accept lgbt people and pursue lgbt people is not necessarily to support their cause. Jesus never supported tax collectors or adulterers doing whatever they wanted to, but he loved them and didn’t distance himself from them.
I have to ask, Joe, what exactly is our cause? I just want to live the same free and happy life you get to live, the one that you automatically got by being born straight—the one you take completely for granted. Marriage is only a small part of equal treatment, but having it is a powerful symbol of fairness in a just society. Not having it is an equally powerful symbol of just how unjust and unfair our society actually is. The gay marriage issue isn’t about marriage, Joe, it’s about equal citizenship; it’s about a Constitution that claims we are all equal under the law when we’re actually not. Religious belief is usually the defense for the unfair treatment of others. In some parts of the country though, “freedom for all” rings truer than in other parts, and religious viewpoints such as yours do not trump the religious freedoms of others. For that, my husband and I are very grateful. And no, you couldn’t possibly “pursue” us into your type of Christianity, and no, you don’t accept the lgbt community when you compare your attitude as a good christian toward that community to Jesus’ attitude toward tax collectors and whores. Your comments are, actually, alienating, even as you “agree” that the lgbt community should be “pursued and accepted” rather than alienated. Honestly! Do you hear yourself? You talk about us as if we are not real, or not even human beings. And therein, of course, lies the problem.
Hi, Robin! I am originally from Greenwood, MS and now live in TN. I am so thankful that you are speaking out about this issue! I am horrified that the state I love so much is trying to legally discriminate against a group of people that are also dear to my heart. I really appreciate the examples from scripture that you used to illustrate why this legislation is especially heinous. I am a Christian and I completely support the idea of gay marriage, but I can understand why some Christians aren’t there yet. However, to me, this legislation has nothing to do with gay marriage, but it has everything to do with possible discrimination at Starbucks, at the grocery store, at Walmart….and that horrifies me. Thank you for this post!!!!!! I stand with you!
Thank you for standing up. Thank you for believing God is Love. Thank you for being a messenger of the truth.
BRAVO!!!
This fellow Auburn graduate, fellow Mommy to three girls and fellow Southerner around your age, agrees wholeheartedly with you and I hope that more people realize love is love, regardless of what shape, form, color, etc. it is. It is LOVE. I didn’t get a chance to comment sooner as I’ve had the teething 6 month old attached to the boob the past 5 days almost constantly, uh oh, I said boob and talked about breastfeeding…we might get in trouble for that Robin!
Oh, wait no nevermind, I forgot I was talking to ROBIN, who understands us Mommies that could be CIA agents due to lack of sleep! 
Love you and everything you said and you will never lose this fellow reader. Thanks to Peyton K. (who worked with my hubby and became a close friend of ours) for recommending you to me! 
Thank you for this.
Dear Robin,
First, thank you for doing what so many Christians won’t, and speaking up about the sin of sitting back and watching while others are destroyed. The Bible is not a weapon.
I remain, after all these years, constantly bemused by the abstract references by conservative Christians to “homosexuals”, as in “they”, and “them”. Individual members of the gay community, and the community as a whole, is always represented as if “they” are another species, some form of life that is somehow distinct and unrelated to the group sitting in the pews.
I know this, because I sat in one of those pews as a child, a teenager, and as a young adult. I went to Evangel College and got my requisite Concentration in Theology, and sat in Chapel there every day too and listened to the same nonsense about those “poor homosexuals”. It was, frankly, one of the weirdest experiences in my life, especially knowing that there were plenty of them sitting in the pews along with everyone else, and they were perfectly fine! Including me. To watch and listen as one is discussed as if not present is a disheartening and alienating experience. To be called names from the pulpit, described as a monster, a pervert, a sinner, a person destined to burn in hell—-while sitting right there and knowing every statement is a lie, that not one word emanating from that pulpit is true—-is an absolutely horrible experience. To look around the room and see the disgust and anger, to hear the tone of the lecture from the pulpit, is an incredible trauma. An awareness dawns over time that these people would kill you if they could. Or toss you out the Church door if they had the slightest inkling. And we wonder why so many gay teenagers kill themselves? We wonder why they hide? We wonder why they move away from home and never return? We wonder why they leave the church, and why so many turn their backs on Christianity entirely?
I am NOT the “other”. I am NOT a different species, a different unrelated sort of human being. I am a man, a brother, an Uncle, a son, and a father, a neighbor, a friend, a co-worker, a colleague. And as that person, I am suffering right in front of you. Every mean, false word about me stabs me to the core of my being. I am not invisible. I am standing right here. I hear everything you say.
Like so many others, I hid the pain and pretended. In fact, I even decided I wasn’t gay; how could I be? I was none of those things my pastor said I was. I was a National Honor Society student and an all-around great guy. Mr. All-American. Yet I had always known I was gay. From my very first memories. I didn’t know what it was, but it didn’t take long to figure out that I was always in danger from the “good” people around me. I was not the same as the other boys, and somehow in some inexplicable way I was “bad”.
People don’t choose their sexual orientation. It’s there at birth. Anyone who has ever bothered to ask a gay person about this knows the truth. None of us choose to be the whipping boys for the Church leadership, and none of us choose to be social outcasts. The hetero Christians sitting beside us are responsible for giving us those positions in life. We know the score from the time we’re five.
So this is why in years past it would sometimes take a lifetime for a gay person to “come out”. Fear of loss—friends, family, children, social network, job, apartment—caused by….whom? Or what? The dangerous social fabric created by our good Christian churches, of course. Some never came out. Some committed suicide. Many hid by marrying. There are ways to “pass” in order to protect oneself. But there is a terrible psychological price to pay for hiding in plain view, and the damage done to the individual and those around him/her is great.
Nowadays, kids feel free to announce their sexuality earlier, thinking they are safe. Some are, and many aren’t. Those that aren’t are bullied, taunted, and tortured in various ways. They drop out of school. They run away from home. They run away from the Church who won’t accept them. They kill themselves. This is always the story, and the Church is entirely to blame for this. Many of these kids are the children of the “Christians” sitting in the pews. What sort of a parent says nothing when the adults around them are killing their child? Is this really what God demands?
I’m 54 now. I’ve lived a long time. I’m a surgeon, and the Chairman of a Surgery Department. I’ve saved a lot of lives, and I’ve helped a lot of people. I’ve done more for humanity than most, including saving the lives of those whose eyes gave away their bigotry. It takes an effort to save the life of someone you know, under other circumstances, would spit in your face. Or beat you to a pulp in the name of God. Religion is always the source of this bitter spirit. My gifts and talents are great, so people come to see me regardless of my sexual orientation. People will look the other way if you have something they want—-great skill as a surgeon, great acting capability, great hair-cutting skills, a great voice—-but woe to the homosexual who is just ordinary! For him there is no refuge in society. No one will look the other way for his sake.
Like many, I hid for many, many years. I had to. Otherwise, I would have no life. It took years to understand what I was up against in the world, and it took years for my iron will to disintegrate. So at 37 I came out. Try explaining that to your three small sons and your wife, at least one of which now blames you for deceit, even though it feels more to you like survival. Everyone gets hurt.
I was lucky. My sons love me and don’t care; they just want their Dad to be there. My wife was smart, and sorted it out, and eventually realized how this all happened, and understood where the responsibility really belonged in society, and how the Church has always been complicit. She forgave. We raised our sons into fine young men. We both remarried, and we both married men. Our sons are now married (to women), and we have a very remarkable and happy family, consisting of Jews, Hindus, Christians, non-religious, and others. It’s a happy ending to what nearly was a tragedy instead. But that is no thanks to my Church, or the people in it.
I decided some time back, after the dark time when I nearly took my own life, that I was simply going to quietly live my life as I needed to live it. My anger ran deep, though, at my Christian “friends”. My old pastors. The Church Board members. My struggles meant nothing to them. “The Bible says this; the Bible says that, blah, blah, blah.” Always sharpening the weapon, they were. Amazing how many passages they chose to ignore about the wickedness of their own behavior toward me and people like me. I had chosen to live a life held to a higher purpose, to help as many people in need as I could; they had chosen to hurt, and they chose a way of thinking about God and Christianity that allowed them to continue to do it. I walked away from them all. The poison of their presence was too destructive for a good soul.
Will we ever learn to stop this vicious cycle? Maybe. The new generations seem to have figured this out. But there are certainly places in this country where one is not safe as a gay person, and nearly all of those places are in the Bible belt. And that pretty much says it all, doesn’t it.
Good Christians—-TRUE Christians—-have to speak up. They have to stop sitting idly by while gay youngsters are destroyed by their pastors. They have to say “no” when a church member says vicious things about an effeminate young man, or a tom-boy. These kids are simply who they are, and the Church has to stop beating them up. The irony that “anti-bullying” laws are passed to protect kids in school whilst the good Christians in churches everywhere—under their pastor’s guidance—are bullying the gay kids sitting right in front of them is not lost on me. Most bullies who abuse kids of minority sexual orientation learn that behavior in Church from their minister, their Sunday School teacher, and from their parents at home. The Church sends a powerful message every day that it’s okay to discriminate against the gay kids—they’re going to hell anyway. I watched it happen in my own Church growing up. I saw what happened to the kids who were “found out”. Shall we simply say they were not shown “Christian charity”, and simply leave it at that? What I saw was terrible abuse of young men. I have never forgotten it, and there is to this day still a deep ember of anger at those adults who did such terrible things in the name of “God”.
I’ve said enough. Robin, I can’t thank you enough for raising your hand to speak your piece in a hostile culture. That was a very brave thing to do, and risky. Doing it, you get a tiny sense of the fear and anxiety experienced by the gay people sitting in your Church. You fear the backlash of your fellow “Christians” on Facebook; even their silence is a slap in the face. Silence speaks volumes. Silent Christians are often afraid, like gay kids, of the bully sitting beside them. The Christian bully, that is. Like the gay kid, they are protecting themselves from assault by “passing”. What you did, Robin, was…..well….you just “came out” as someone who isn’t going to sit by and watch people get hurt anymore. You “came out” as one of the rarest things ever to set foot in a Church: a Christian who walks the walk. One who actually listens to what Jesus said about the treatment of others, instead of what the pastor says about mistreating others. This subject—-the silence of Christians who sit by and say nothing while their fellow man is abused by other Christians—is a topic that is way overdue for discussion.
It’s time for a change. Maybe you’ve started something good.
David Coster M.D., FACS
David,
I’ve just had a chance to sit down and read all of these comments and I am moved to tears. I can’t imagine growing up in church listening to everyone telling you that the real you didn’t belong. I’m shaking just thinking about it. I felt out of place my whole life due to lifelong depression that was untreated until I was almost an adult and just THAT felt so horrible– that I was going to be “found out” as someone who didn’t belong was heartbreaking.
The book that I’m writing now is about how God has used my husband and my kids to show me that He loves me just the way I am. Outside of the church I found a grace and communion with God that I never found in it. And I can tell you this FOR A FACT– the God I serve loves you to your very core. When He looks at you, He sees Jesus and there is room for you at His table and at mine.
Thank you SO MUCH for sharing your story.
Much Love- R
Thank you for writing this post, Robin. You are AWESOME!!
I really don’t think anyone can say it better than David did!! Hugs to David!
David, I’m sorry you heard horrible things as a child/teen at church. As a mom with three gay adult kids, that makes my heart hurt for you. I’m thankful you didn’t kill yourself. You’re an amazing person, and the world is blessed by your presence. Wishing you & your husband and three kids happiness and good health!!
Thank YOU for these words. I stand with you as a Christian and a sinner (what with me having had a child out of wedlock and all). People don’t see it. To condemn “them” I’d have to be condemned right alongside that person.
I don’t get it and I don’t understand but like you i feel we need to stand in the gap and show God’s love in the same way that He shows it to us.
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You had me at Love thy neighbor as yourself. I continuosly refer people to the beattitudes of Christ. I am the mother of a gay and a straight child and no one will ever convince me it’s a choice. Can’t remember the day I woke up and choose my sexual preference. Thank you for your post.
Much love to you!
Great work is being done here. David’s story was so moving.
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David,
That was so moving. I have chills. Nothing but love for all that you have been through. There’s so much more work to be done.
I’m so proud of my Robin. I’ve jokingly called her my life coach since we met in nursing school at AU. Even then she was fearless and wise beyond her years.
I love you Boo!