No ma’am. These are deep, dark confessions and I hope you can still look me in the eye next time you see me.
As I was thinking about my New Year’s article, I came across a blog post by one of my favorite author/bloggers, Jen Hatmaker. It was her New Years’ post from 2011, Quirks, she writes about how she adores all of the end of year lists that pop up online around this time of year. So in this post she makes her own list… of her Top 5 Quirks.
I read the post and half of the comments before I had to take a break because I was laughing so hard. Inspired by Jen, here’s a list of some of the things that drive me nuts, or make me nuts. (Potato/potahto, right?) Please leave your quirks in the comments and for the love of all that is good and hilarious, read her post and her readers comments. You will laugh until you hurt!
Buckle up, people.
1. Tapping and or monotonous sounds. Clicking a ballpoint pen in and out, someone nervously tapping their fingers on a table top. And the very worst— sitting in a pew at church with someone at the other end bouncing their leg.
I do not have adequate words to describe how nutty this makes me. Every single nerve in my body gets all twitchy until it stops. And if it’s somebody I don’t know, there simply isn’t a nice way to say, “Stop doing that before I have a psychotic break.”
At the Auburn/ Ole Miss game someone who was sitting behind us, had their foot on the bench I was sitting on and was shaking their leg like a dog scratching a flea. My anxiety level went from 0-60 in about 3 seconds. I warned Zeb, “Please tell her to stop so I don’t have to throw her off the upper deck.”
2. ANYONE touching my toothbrush. I mean, you know a little about my kids, right? You’d be scared, too.
If I go to the bathroom to brush my teeth and my toothbrush isn’t exactly, precisely where I left it, I will throw it away. It has happened a time or two that my toothbrush was actually WET when I picked it up, even though I hadn’t used it since early that morning. And again, there are no words for the level of horror I experienced when I saw the damp bristles.
Things are about to get weird.
3. When I get out of the bathtub or shower, the first thing I do is grab a Q-Tip to get the water out of my ears.
But (I cannot believe I am putting this on the world wide web.) I have to lick the Q-Tip first because I can’t stand the sound of the dry cotton in my ears. So essentially, I’m “drying” my ears with a damp Q-Tip but I can’t not do it. (I know that’s a double negative. But if I’m going to let all my crazy out for your entertainment, cut me a break, alright?)
This is the worst part: my kids think this is what you are SUPPOSED to do with Q-Tips so they all do the same thing. I can barely breathe, I’m laughing so hard.
Hi, my name is Sadie & I come from a long line of Q-Tip lickers..
4. I love jumping out and scaring people but, I detest being scared.
I do not know why I do this. I’m sorry, okay? Even when I’m about to do it, I’m thinking to myself, “You are so mean!! Stop it! Don’t do it!” But I HAVE to because it’s so hilarious to me.
Blair, my little sister, probably has Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from all of the times I heard her coming down the stairs, or around a corner and jumped out and screamed, “BWAAAAAAAH!”
If I ended up behind her on the staircase, I would stomp my feet really loud and growl. As expected, she would squeal and run and I would laugh hysterically.
But if you jump out and scare me?
I will punch you in the face.
I wish I was kidding.
I don’t have the flight or fight reflex. I have the “I will kick your ass like a redneck at Waffle House after the Auburn/Alabama game” reflex and I will hit you as hard as I can before I can even mentally process what is happening.
5. I cannot write a single word if someone is looking over my shoulder.
My brain will not allow it. I can’t think of a single word. I can write in my kitchen while cooking dinner and helping three kids do homework.
I can sit in front of the television and knock out an 800 word article in less than 30 minutes. But if you look at the screen, OR my hands while I’m writing, I will freeze. Every single time, without fail. Brain… no… make… the… um, what… huh… I… um…
I can’t text, tweet, type a Facebook status or come up with a single emoticon. I can’t think.
Stop looking at me!
So there you go, five of my quirkiest quirks. Spill it, people– otherwise, I’m not going to be able to look you in the eye the next time I see you.
I loved you before but…I pink puffy heart you now. I thought I was the only Q-tip licker in the world!!!!!!!
We need a meet up group, obvs.
Sili recently posted..Thoughts & Tips About Avocados
OMG!!!!! I’m crying!!! Q-Tip lickers UNITE!!!!!
I SO relate to #5!!! But here’s one of mine: I have to cross my big toe over my second toe (both feet) to fall asleep. Done it as long as I can remember.
Kristen recently posted..Walking Uphill: Embracing 40 (Part I)
I hate the dry cotton feeling in my ears but I never thought about licking the Q-tip! I just cringe til it’s over! I’ll definitely be a Q-tip licker from now on. Brilliant!
Q-Tip Licker Convert!!! This is killing me!
I have to mash my peanut butter sandwiches flat before I eat them. Not any other sandwiches…just pb.
I HATE being tickled. More than many things in this world. My immediate reaction is to yell NOOOOO! and punch.
When I hear the band Chicago, I picture Jerry Seinfeld singing. I always have. Who knows.
I’m very sure I have more…
Jerry Seinfeld made me cry!!
Praise be! I am not a line q-tip licker! You have rescued me from the private shame of q-tip licking!! Even my 2 year old licks one when he gets his hands on them, then sticks it in his ear. Is there a support group?
I have to lick my qtips too!!! Every time lol and I also love scaring people but despise being scared.
I hate being near noisy eaters. It grosses me out and kills my appetite.
When other people cook eggs the smell makes me want to vomit. But if I cook them it’s fine.
I’m a freak about making sure the dishwasher is FULLY loaded before running it. I will go behind my husband, and even myself!, and reorganize everything to make sure that sucker is full!! I also use way too much toilet paper, and have passed that on too my kids. LOL
So, are you saying that you are not supposed to lick the Q-tip before drying your ears? My mom did it, I am sure her mom did it and I am pretty sure that is the only way TO dry your ears!
I detest noisy eaters but noisy swallowers send me over the edge!
I cannot have a drinking straw pointing in my direction because it may poke me in the eye. I will rearrange the straws of my entire family while eating out. We do NOT use straws at home.
I also cannot have the corner of a piece of paper pointing at me that is within arms length for the same reason, it may poke me in the eye.
I am able to will myself NOT to throw up long enough to scrub the toilet first. I will only vomit in a freshly scrubbed toilet. Lets face it, I am raising 2 boys and have a 3 yr old girl that keeps trying to potty standing up, just like her brothers. My toilets are always dirty!
LOL! I love you!
I can NOT sleep in a messy bed! I will get out of bed & totally make it up neat just to get back in. (I mean tuck in sheets & all) I also will only eat FLAT grill cheese sandwiches.
I am the same way- cannot go into a bed if the sheets and comforter are not even and at home I don’t use a sheet because I get all tangled up in it.
My Special Kind Of Crazy recently posted..What REALLY Happens During the Holidays
I must have sheets. I don’t understand people with no top sheet.
I don’t HAVE to have a flat grilled cheese but I definitely prefer it. I squish them flat when I make them!
I only eat things in even numbers. Candy, crackers chips, etc. and no broken pieces.
I CANNOT stand the sound of people eating, including myself. I don’t even mean noisy eaters. No no, just normal eating. The sound of people chewing makes me want to stab them with my fork. This is probably why my anxiety level shoots through the roof when I get asked on a date, because I just know I’m going to imagine killing them while we are eating.
Call me crazy, but at least I’m not a q-tip licker….
😉 Love ya.
Apparently you are in the minority. ERVYBODY is licking Q-Tips!
Here’s what i have now discovered- the thought of licking a Q-tip gives me the shivers and could possibly make me throw up. The idea of cotton anywhere near my mouth about puts me over the edge. Never realized that before. So thanks for that
Q-Tip lick! Never… EVER… change.
Lil recently posted..Food For Thought
I share your problem with scaring, doing OK, being NOT. When we were kids I scared your mother on a regular basis, not knowing how terrifying it can be…. she got me back when your sister was about 10 by having her scare me, it was awful, I mean painful, but she was this beautiful sweet little girl so I could not hit her. But I learned my lesson and try not to do it anymore. It took a generation but Shuggie got her revenge, and I learned something. Boo.
I have to eat Wheat Thins and pretzel twists salty-side to my tongue (and one at a time, obviously).
Tara recently posted..2014 Goals
I hate the word “chinos”.
Also “panties”.
And I hate to be the one who has to call and order the food.
OMG I HATE ordering food over the phone too! I also hate voicemail. I don’t mind leaving them but I just delete them if anybody leaves them for me. Occasionally I make other people listen to my voicemail for me, but it makes me panicky to have VMs on my phone.
Hahah! I love all of you! More Q-tip lickers in my house !! I have way too many quirks to name here! I hate when people don’t use top sheets ! I also can’t stand overly neat people that have kids and their house still looks perfect! That drives me insane . If I come to your house and you have more than one kid ( under 10) and your house is spotless…. Well I am not sure we can be friends .
How are grilled cheese sandwiches ever not flat???? Seriously. Explain this. Bread is flat. Sandwiches are flat. What are y’all talking about?????????????
Licking qtips? What? I have never heard of such a thing…
I absolutely cannot stand to be in the same room with someone eating cereal…all that crunching! OMG I want to punch them in the face…
My husband pointed this out to me. I prefer even numbers. We were in the grocery store shopping for some big meal or something and I needed some canned something or other. 3 would have been enough but I HAD TO HAVE 4…I made him go back to that aisle and get another one.
And I cannot be around the hubs when he is drinking coffee…closest I’ve come to getting a divorce!
Robin!!!! Grocery shopping….we always buy in twos!!!
1) I can not listen to anyone eating a banana. I can not stand that sticky mushy noise it makes.
2) People who clear their throat every five seconds irritates the heck out of me. Just cough it out already.
3) Toilet paper that is on the holder upside down. Toilet paper should only be placed so that it comes over the top and not under. I have been known to switch the rolls dispense direction at friends houses. What? Its so much easier that way.
4) I can not sleep at night if I haven’t brushed my teeth. No matter how tired or drunk I am. JK I barely drink.
5) People to chomp their gum loudly, well even softly. If I can hear it their mouth is open and I just want to scream. I have even plugged my ear that is closest to the chomper. Seriously what do you say?
Lori recently posted..Brock’s Transformation
Q-tip lickers UNITE! My husband thought I was completely insane for my practice of Q-tip licking. Obviously, he has no idea what he is talking about. And, my kids are learning from their wiser parent that this is indeed how ears are dried.
My own pet peeve – snifflers. You know, when your kids have a runny nose or a stuffy nose and they just sniff hard instead of blowing it. And sniff. And sniff. And sniff some more. Yeah, I did that all the time as a kid and it drove my mom bonkers. Apparently, it is an acquired peeve that only comes with age and children.
Phyllis recently posted..2014 New Year’s Survey
Smacking. Drives me INSANE. I can’t stand it whether it’s gum, food, whatever. Makes me wanna claw my eyeballs. out.
Lana recently posted..Winter Skies and a Too Soon Goodbye
I don’t lick the q-tips but I dip them, ever so slightly, in a bottle of rubbing alcohol. Now, my nanny (who was a nurse for 100 years) says that I should use peroxide instead. The peroxide makes crinkly, bubbly noises that make me feel like I have a knat in my ear..the alcohol just feels cool and fixes the dry-cottony problem!
I hate to admit that I had to stop shaking my leg when I read number one. People detest sitting with me in church.
When I’m pumping gas, the number has to end in a 5 or 0. Always.
AND if someone is speaking and it sounds like they need to clear their throat and they don’t, I clear mine.
I can’t stand: overhead florescent lights, high-pitched female voices; loud swallowers (Mama); smackers or public gum-chewers and repetitive noise. I think there’s a name for all this, but I forgot what it is.
I had my suspicions earlier on, but when I went to my (now ex-) husband’s cousin’s wedding in Texas and saw that the groom and all of the groomsmen were chewing gum in the front of the church, that’s when I definitively said to myself, “These people are not my people.”
Audra Kate, I do the same thing with the throat-clearing thing, and I hope my mouth vigorously if someone needs to do that, too.
Wipe my mouth, not hope my mouth. (Sheesh)