Yesterday, one of my best friends in the world sent me a series of text messages that brought me to my knees. I was doubled over in my kitchen, with tears streaming down my face from laughter. I’m pretty sure she was crying too, only she wasn’t laughing.
You know how sometimes you think you are having a bad day, then you talk to somebody else who is having a REALLY bad day and you are all, “Thank you JESUS for my life just like it is!!”
That.
Not for the weak of stomach.
Here’s Lori’s story as it unfolded via text…
Lori: Um hypothetical possible emergency… Have any of your girls ever eaten their own S***? Not a lot, just a little? Did u call poison control? Asking for a friend…
Me: LOL. No and No.
Lori:
Me: You are welcome and wth?
Lori: I’m overstimulated with motherhood right now. L (her 4yo son) called me into the bathroom to tell me, “You know how I always wanted to know what poopoo tastes wike?”
I said, “No.”
He said, “Well I ate just a wittle one.”
I was trying not to hyperventilate in front of him.
I said, “Well I bet it tasted pretty bad so don’t ever do that again. You could get really sick.”
He said, “It was pretty NOT bad.”
I started texting B (her husband who is a pharmacist.) and while I did that L started putting on my makeup. B says if it was someone else’s S*** it would be a bigger deal. I just keep hearing the saying, “Eat S*** and die,” in my head but he looks ok so far. Now we have to leave for his hip hop class. I need a xanax.
Me: OMG. I’m forwarding all of this to Blair. (My sister. Strictly for entertainment purposes. I’m a really good friend.)
Lori: Somehow I knew you would. I thought for sure Emma would have eaten a turd.
Me: Lol!
Lori: Beeteedubs that little monster won’t eat my spaghetti but his S*** is “pretty not bad”?!?!
Me: CRYING!
Lori: Ditto. For different reasons.
Me: Perchance, did you have relations with Bear Grylls roughly 5 years ago?
Lori: WTH? I’m pretty sure I didn’t.
Me: Cuz he’s the only person on the planet I can think of who drinks his own pee and eats elephant turds.
Lori: Well… He seems successful.
Me: I think I just herniated an ovary.
Lori: Now he’s in his hip hop dance class. I’m in the lobby watching them practice on the TV. If they had a show called, “So You Think Your Ginger Can Dance,” no one would win.
Me: Lol. You should hit an open mic night on your way home.
Lori blogs over at Loripalooza and I’ve posted this story with her blessing. I’ve left out her son’s name in the hopes that one day, when he gets his first computer and Googles himself, this won’t pop up.
Got any good “It Could Be Worse” stories??
OMG!!! And now I’m in tears! That is hysterical. And so disturbing. I could totally see my little boy sampling his own poo. Ugh. Glad she has a friend like you in times of need! Ha!
hillary recently posted..Meeting Mr. Boudreaux: The Butt Paste Guy
….and this is why I sometimes drink during the day.
Lor Wescott recently posted..Luke-isms #ITPRlipstick
Dying laughing! “That little monster won’t eat my spaghetti but his S*** is “pretty not bad”?!?!” Just hysterical.
Erica Ladd recently posted..Why Didn’t Anyone Tell Me?
You know, I have “It Could Be Worse” days all the time. I had to share this story with my sweet hubby who is a stay at home dad…as our 20-month-old decided to draw with a permanent marker today. On the living room wall. And the baseboards. And herself. Hopefully, he will find comfort in knowing that she didn’t “eat s*** and die.”
Phyllis recently posted..Tooth Fairy Foibles
The last line of your comment made me cackle.
I have NO words for this! I just keep reading and rereading it over and over again. I know this means that it will come back to haunt me when I have kiddos
Lori and Robin – you kill me!
I have laughed for 24 hours straight!
And this is why the two of you are some of my favorite funny people. I don’t even understand any of it but it makes me laugh so hard!!!!!
Arden Elizabeth recently posted..Abba. Father. I Love You.
Horrors! I like the “you know how I’ve always wanted to…?” part. Yes, child. Because if I knew you’d always wanted to, I would have just carried on without telling you TO NEVER EVER DO THAT FOREVER AMEN. 😉
Melissa Camara Wilkins recently posted..Summer Camp at Home: Friendship Week
RIGHT??? Because we’ve talked about this SO MANY TIMES?
Eww, eww, eww. Although, I would have thought she was punking me. Maybe she is . . .
Kathy at kissing the frog recently posted..And Then You Were in Kindergarten
This. is. awesome. I needed a good laugh this morning! so, thank you!
Feeling much better about the booger my kid just slurped off her finger.
Leigh Ann recently posted..Embrace it
Then I’ll sleep well tonight, knowing I’ve done my job. 😉
Oh Lori, this is when I should say “we’ve all been there” but I can’t. My kids will eat boogers and bugs and just about anything else, but if they’ve consumed poo they’ve never had the guts to tell me. Thank you for letting Robin share this conversation with the world. It feels brighter and happier now. PS – I’d vote for that ginger to win the hip hop competition it’s the least I could do after the laughs you’ve given me.
Jen at PIWTPITT.com recently posted..The Neighbor Who Wants to Euthanize the Autistic Boy Down the Street
Next time you guys text can you just include me? I promise I won’t interfere with your conversations, I just want to be a fly on the wall because my text conversations are never this funny.
My kids have never eaten their own poop, aside from what may have inadvertently gotten in their mouths during each of their separate poop-painting experiments. However, my son asks if he can eat just about any poop he sees on the ground. “What kind of poop is that?” “It looks like rabbit poop.” “Can I eat it?” WTF??
Allison Hart recently posted..Endless Summer – not as good as it sounds
I have laughed about this for 24 hours straight.
I am laughing so hard right now. My 3 y/o once pooped on the floor and then decided to cover it up with sprinkles so I wouldn’t get mad. Thank goodness he didn’t eat it, even with sprinkles.
Jessica recently posted..Our ride is just fine, thank you
It’s safe. How do I know? Poison control told me when I had to call and ask. I gave my former sister in law’s name.
Dani G recently posted..We grew a garden!
I just died laughing. My worst story is when my 4 year old peed on my 1 year old. She was so eager to see what was going on, she came up on his side to look in the toilet. My 4 year old son turned at the wrong time and peed straight into her face. As bad as that was… I’m pretty sure eating turds is way worse.
Carrie @ Bakeaholic Mama recently posted..Haddock Tacos with Sriracha Yogurt Sauce.
OMG – funniest post I have EVAH read!!
Been passing this around to all my friends & family. NEVER in my life would I have ever considered my kids might eat their own poo (or anyone/anything else’s)!!
Today was a terrible day… then I read this article. Still not quite sure if I’m crying about my day (in a bad way) or crying tears of laughter at this. Probably a bit of both but my guess is Lori wins! Hands down! Front page of parenting magazine. Call Bear for a cameo shot!
I think you both won texting. Sharing this EVERYWHERE. Also, I’ll be making shit sandwiches for dinner. Pretty NOT bad, indeed.
This is cute. Thankfully, I never had to deal with something like this.
Robin, I have had this up in my browser for a week, and now I regret that I didn’t read it sooner. Laughed (with you, of course) all the way through!
LOL! I do not have one to top that!
This has to be the funniest thing I have ever read! Lori, I’m sorry for laughing
but thank you for sharing….being a mom is hard!