Last week I dropped Sadie and Emma, my four-year-old and seven-year-old ,off at for a “Princess Camp” at the Delta School of Etiquette. My friend Michelle was kind enough to invite them to attend and since they are technically girls and adore all things pink and princess, they were excited to attend. Michelle was excited to have them and I was excited to think that somebody else is finally going to be backing me up on this whole manners thing.
Over the last few months I’ve realized that maybe, just possibly, our “around the house” manners aren’t quite up to par with our “being out in public” manners. I suppose this is true of most kids. I have friends who swear their children are the devil incarnate at home, but mind their p’s and q’s just fine at my house. Likewise, while my children often act like heathens at home, their teachers and Sunday School teachers scold me for exaggerating their behavior in my columns. (Trust me— that is SO not necessary.)
Looks like a princess.
Burps like a truck driver.
The problem has many layers:
1) I am vastly outnumbered, with a husband who travels and three kids, I can’t correct every slip up that occurs. There is not enough time in the day.
2) I am tired. (See above.)
3) It’s funny to me when one of my girls hops off a barstool and burps like a grown man. I realize I should scold and not laugh, but I’m obviously not mature enough for such things.
4) Everybody has gas.
I mean, what are they gonna do?
Hold it in?
Implode?
Sounds dangerous.
I can’t keep a straight face while talking to my children regarding burping, specifically, because I can hear the words coming out of my mouth and I sound ridiculous.
“Don’t be so happy about it when you burp.”
“At least pretend to be embarrassed.”
“Don’t open your mouth as wide as it will go to make it louder. Close your mouth and let it blow out your nose. I KNOW it burns, but being polite is hard!”
“Don’t yell to everyone in the room that you tooted. We heard it. We smell it. We KNOW. Say, ‘Excuse me.’ Quit laughing.”
“Say, ‘Excuse me,’ like you mean it. That means quit laughing before you say it.”
I’ve tried to get serious and angry (-ish) at my kids when they gleefully pass gas. As I tucked Sadie and her sweet little friend into bed, during one of her first sleepovers, Sadie ripped a toot so loud the windows in the room vibrated. Instead of saying ‘Excuse me,’ she shreiked with laughter.
I gave her the Momma Evil Eye and told her to apologize to her friend and to please, for the love of all that is holy, to PLEASE, say, ‘Excuse me.’
I walked to the kitchen and picked up my iPhone, scanning Facebook while I waited to make sure the two four-year-old’s were settled. That’s when I saw the update for the Delta School of Etiquette “Princess Camp” and contacted Michelle.
I’m pretty sure her idea of etiquette is more of the “When to use your salad fork versus your dinner fork,” instead of “Don’t dutch oven your best friend on her first sleepover,” but at this point… I’ll take all the help I can get.
*Dutch oven— passing gas under the sheets.
Talk to me people. How did you teach your kids to keep in classy in public when passing gas??
OMG! too funny – I’m nearly in tears laughing because I have the same issue with my 4 year old. Perfect little angels for others – but for me? I get farted on while he shrieks with laughter.
Jayna recently posted..Introducing the all-new LeapPad Ultra – The Ultimate Kids’ Learning Tablet
OMG, too funny. I have a six year old boy who looks at me funny every time I tell him, “Don’t do that!” when he does it in public. Like, “how and why would I do that, Mom?” Good read.
Jennifer recently posted..What a throw pillow taught me about God
I have a 2 year old that makes it his mission (really tries and strains) to toot on my while changing his diaper or pull-up. He thinks it’s HILARIOUS!
Currently working on teaching my children to fart before they come to the dinner table or at least excuse themselves! I hate sitting beside a little turd/angel who farts while I am eating and then laughs. Way to spoil my meal. :/ My girls are little trucker burpers too. (Secretly I am too. I just contain it better than they do)
paula schuck recently posted..Tales From the Treehouse: The Ultimate Horse Treasury
Oh goodness…I’m still trying to figure that one out. The sad thing is that I am outnumbered at my house too…only it’s 3 boys (including the hubby) to 1 girl (me). I have a feeling the “manners” talks we have won’t kick in until the kiddos get interested in girls (and the hubby…well, that’s a conversation for another day…lol). Good luck with your little ones though and keep us updated on the etiquette classes!
Andrea recently posted..Ways to Spend Quality Time With Your Children
Where can I sign my boys up for burping and farting etiquette? That sh*t is out of control at my house!
*Dutch oven – hee, hee
No one Dutch Ovens like my 8yo. A lady to the last. Sign us up for your camp. I’m fighting a downwind battle of the farts.
5 boys here – age 31 down to age 12 – they all do it – they all think it’s funny – it’s impossible to try to instill any etiquette when their dad is laughing his butt off – but I try… because that’s what civilized people do.
Had to really chuckle with the wisdom of eperience. My boys and girls are 32, 30, 26, 14 and 13. The farting and burping does not stop and does not get classier except when they are courting. The 7th and 8th grade girls are the WORST by the way. And they are such girly girls. The 14 year old just laughs saying I crack myself up! I just laugh. One friend’s dad cracked up when she farted in the car saying he thought she was such a polite young lady. Funny thing is, she really is. They all are. Guess they really love you and are totally comfortable with themselves and their friends which is a REAL blessing! PS turkey really causes stinky farts is why I never buy it! My kiddos informed me of this fact backed up by the stinkiest ever farts.
This was hilarious. I almost spit out my yogurt while reading this. I laughed until I cried. And then I shared it with my sisters (because the 3 of us are notoriously princesses that burp like truck drivers.)
Thank you.
This made me laugh as a mother this is what kids, do they fart everywhere in public. My two girls will let out toots just about anywhere my oldest who is 7yrs old tooted at the circus once, and then announced it. Same thing here we heard it and we smell it, don’t announce it to everyone. I felt really bad for everyone seated near us, as the smell lingered a bit. She giggled because of it, it is hard to get angry when you know they can’t hold, it in I think it is best if they just get it out. She was pretty gassy during the circus as she tooted a couple times all were stinky. lol
Oh my goodness!! Yes! My kids do that all of the time! I tell them they don’t have to narrate every bodily function, but apparently we’re not there yet!