It happens to me on a regular basis. I push my cart into the grocery store, bribing my three-year-old with my iPhone to sit in the seat. I chat with her as I wander through the produce trying to find a banana that’s not the same color as the limes and I’ll bump into a Mommy acquaintance. We are both a mess wearing faded out yoga pants with our dirtyish hair pulled back in a sloppy ponytail. My youngest daughter Sadie has dressed herself: kitten rain boots (90 degrees and sunny), hot pink leotard with rhinestones bedazzled around the neck and one of her sister’s miniskirts hanging off her hips.
“Hey Robin!” Tired Mommy says.
“Hey! How are you? Where are the rest of your kids?” I’ll ask.
“Oh soccer practice, gotta be back at the field in a few minutes. Then pick Princess up from dance. Then we have art tomorrow, and karate. And Boy Scouts. And piano lessons…” and on and on and on it goes.
I usually walk away from these conversations feeling guilty.
Thoughts race through my head. My kids don’t do enough. They aren’t going to know how to do any of that. if they decide they want to play soccer when they are 10-years-old they are already going to be six years behind everyone else.
Last year my five-year-old and my seven-year-old took dance. They seemed to enjoy it through out the year but when it came recital time Emma, my five-year-old, balked. More literally? She lost her mind. She threw a fit worthy of Toddlers & Tiaras and refused to put on her clothes to go to the dress rehearsal. My husband was out of town on business and so I called upon the Fount of All Wisdom– my mother.
I explained that Emma had lost her mind and was refusing to put on the most elaborate and sparkly costume I had ever seen. I had paid for her to take dance all year and now she was refusing to dance.
“I feel like I should make her do it. I’m the adult, right? Doesn’t she need to learn to finish what she started?” I asked.
“But she didn’t start it. You did. You signed her up to see if she liked and guess what? She doesn’t. Move on. Nobody cares,” my mother said.
I let Emma off the hook. She held my hand and smiled when we dropped her older sister off at the rehearsal. She practically beamed from her seat as her friends danced on stage and she watched.
I feel guilty because my kids don’t do enough, then feel guilty when I make them participate.
I came to the point where I had to make a decision for our family. By the time I pick my kids up from school I have already gone grocery shopping, cooked dinner, put the baby down for a nap, worked at least a few hours from home, done laundry, and picked up around the house. After school we barely have time to eat dinner and do homework before it’s time to bathe and get in the bed.
I’ve had to decide what my kids will remember of their childhoods.
I am the anti-soccer mom. I believe in building forts and jumping into creeks. I believe in eating popsicles and letting them drip down your elbows and ruining your good shirt. I believe in spraying the trampoline with a water hose and digging in the dirt for worms. I believe in playing hide and go seek until the street lights come on and your Momma has to call you inside more than once. I believe in making my kids take a bath before dinner because they are so dirty from simply being kids that they can’t possibly sit at my table. And I believe in sitting at the table and looking them in the eyes every night instead of chauffeuring them all over town to events they show no interest in.
Aubrey and Emma chose not to take dance again this year. Aubrey asked if she could take piano lessons and I agreed. I asked Emma if there was anything new she would like to try. She tucked herself beside me on the couch and slipped her tiny arm around my neck and whispered, “I just wanna be wif you Momma.”
That is time worth investing.
I recently posted about the “fall sports frenzy” on my blog and I love how you’ve pulled back from the pressure to schedule your kids. I was thrilled when two of my boys dropped soccer this fall, not just for me, but for them too. My favorite memories of my own childhood are playing in the neighborhood with the other kids. You sound like you’re making the right choice for your family.
Emily recently posted..A New House Rule
Hi! New commenter here! First of all, just let me say, I love your Mom.
I also have three children, but they are quite a bit older than yours (about 16, 13, and about 10). I miss the days of hide and seek in the neighborhood and carefree dirt digging. We are now very busy with activities (of their own choosing) and homework (not of their own choosing). So I say enjoy the trampoline jumping and fort building. As a matter of fact, I might go build a fort right now.
Shannon recently posted..The Land of No Worries
holy crap. If my daughter would sweetly tell me “I just want to be wif you,” I’d never sign her up for anything. Heck, I’d never even make her go to school.
However, since she rarely cuddles or sits still, I’m definitely signing my toddler up for pre-basic training (you know, like pre-K). I figure the army can tucker her out and send her back when she’s all ready to salute and discuss the intricacies of disassembling firearms.
And if the army won’t take her ’cause of her flat feet…I guess I’ll probably do what you do. I hate chauffering. But I’ll need to move somewhere with a creek. And where it’s not so hot that your eyebrows singe when you step outside.
neal recently posted..Taking a day off from parenting
My kids don’t do little league because I think it’s a gigantic suck of our family time. If they want to play soccer I send them to the backyard with a soccer ball.
If I enjoyed it I’d happily do it but it’s just not for us.
Paula recently posted..Miss Icey’s Flower Patch
Yeah I’m a bit of an anti soccer mum too, I am not a fan of running around when I don’t need to, with one exception. Swimming lessons, once they can swim, they can decide what they want to do, until then they need to learn to swim. It’s a personal thing for my family, we are surrounded by pools and my cousin drowned a couple of years ago (she was 3).
Ziva recently posted..Prince Charming and the Princess
Preach it! Signed, another anti-soccer momma
Okay, so … I freakin’ love your mother.
Totally agree
Hear hear. I thought I was the only anti-soccer mom. (Though I do take the point about swim lessons.)
Thank you! Loved this! Glad to know two things…1. That I am not the only Mom that goes shopping in faded pants and sloppy ponytails and 2. That I am not the only Mom that does not feel the need to have 43 different activities going for her kids at the same time! Wonderful blog post today Robin! Thanks!
this post came at just the right time for me. i was feeling concerned that my son had no interest in joining up for a few things this year at school. i was trying to convince him he would like them and they would be fun. He just wants to be at home with us and reading your post made me realize that it was me who would enjoy them. not him. when your husband said ” she didn’t sign up, you did” it was like an epiphany. thanks. i’ll be bookmarking for future reference when I want them to do something I think they would enjoy.
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My kids are adults now and they will tell you I insisted on balance. They were limited on their scheduled activities and they chose them. Sounds like you are giving your kids a childhood they will remember fondly
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I loved this post. I feel as if you wrote about me and I’m so grateful that there is another mom out there like me. Thank you. Your mom is amazing, by the way. But I’m going to guess you’ll have the same wisdom when you are her age. If you don’t already!
Your mom is wise, there are so many parents who sign their kids up for everything under the sun. Our daughter is like the Energizer Bunny and needs some type of outlet for all that energy so we do one physical activity at a time. In summer my husband insists she take swimming but we let her pick during the rest of the year. So we are out of the house one night per week but she has made several new friends and learned many new things so I don’t really mind.
I had no idea how hard it would be to build a “simple” life for our kids! There are a gazillion wonderful activities but it is our job to choose wisely and fiercely protect family time.
Loved this- thank you!
HouseTalkN recently posted..Back To School…Saturday Funnies
ME too! I agree 100000000%
I love that your mom says, “Move on. Nobody cares.” I may need to get a tattoo that says that so I don’t forget it. Great advice!
Lily from It’s A Dome Life recently posted..I Auditioned For Blogger Idol (Cue Applause, Please)
So beautiful, touching and spot on. I loved reading this.
Bethany @ Bad Parenting Moments recently posted..Playground Politics
Well I guess I am out numbered here. My dughter is in soccer, I asked her in the spring what she wanted to do I gave her all sorts of options like play rag-ball like her cousins, play soccer, or dance. She chose soccer & I LOVE the league she is in. We played in the Spring & it went so great she asked me The play to have fun, they do not keep score, we “practice” one day a week with the team & have one game a week on Saturdays. The rest of the week she is just like any other kid playing & getting dirty. Not all sports are bad, it teaches them about teamwork, sportsman ship & other things in life that its hard to learn when you are an only child.
No condemnation here at all! I agree whole heartedly that each family has to make the right decision for them! Stay tuned for Part 2!! 😉
I have an only child, he will always be an only child. His activity of choice right now is baseball, but this year we have also done swimming & taekwondo. These activities give him an outlet to make friends and get activity. There are not younger kids his age that live on our end of the street. I am proud to be a sports Mom, but am not forcing him into any of it. If he didn’t want to play, he could tell us. I would gladly take the time back that we put into it each week, 4 total hours. His sports keep him from sitting in front of the TV and provide him an outlet that playing with Mommy doesn’t. I think that every parent has to do what is in the best interest of their child.
I agree whole heartedly! Only YOU can know what is best for your family! I have no doubt that you made the right decision for your child. Stay tuned for part 2! My best friend has three kids and spends a lot of time “at the field” because they are all very athletic, it’s very worthwhile for her family! Thanks for reading!
I agree. I am in the same boat as you. I live in a VERY rural area so it is not feasable for my daughter to go play with friends since the nearest neighbor with smaller kids live about a mile & I do not know their parents. Also my daughter is in a private school so her school friends live all over the North Jefferson County area. It is like Robin said you have to do what you think is best for your family. We are able to make it work while some families cannot & that is their choice too…
I agree with you wholeheartedly. In my opinion, the moms who have their kids in 500 different extra-curriculars are compensating for something. Unless my child shows an active interest in an activity, I’m not going to force it on him. Not only will it give him some power to decide things for himself, but it’ll save my sanity and wallet, too! I’d rather my little guy remember all the silly moments we had together than reminisce about the hours spent in the van, running all over creation to be at an event on time.
Mommy Gone Mental recently posted..Anti Anti-Social
Amen! From one anti-soccer mom to another, thank you!
It’s nice to know there are other moms out there who don’t feel compelled to sign their children up for sports/activities/etc. so they can get a “leg up” on the competition.
I agree. A couple of years ago, when our oldest was 3, all our friends who had children her age had them signed up for at least one activity or sport or lessons of some sort. I was horrified. All these things are good things, but when do your children just get time to be children, to engage in imaginative play or learn to entertain themselves? When do we get the chance to just “be” as a family? My husband is home so rarely in the busy seasons at his job that we felt it was more important for us to be together and find our identity as a family than that she take tap classes or join a U-5 lacrosse team or learn “Computer Programming for Tots” etc.
WELL PUT!!!!
I enjoyed this article so much. Just glad to know that there are other moms out there that are experiencing the same thing. I’m glad my daughter is still enjoying her dolls and dollhouses a bit longer! Keep up the good work!
I thought I was the only mom on earth that felt this way!! I have so many friends that run themselves ragged because of the sports their kids play. I always felt guilty because mine were not “involved” in something, My family eats dinner together every night as a family with the TV off. I often take this for granted, but I know now that this will make a bigger impression on my kids lives when they are adults. Not that I don’t think sports are good for kids, I do. I just think that too much of it can overwhelm the kids.
I just recently found your blog and saw this post, and cheered!
I have a teenager with ADHD & Aspergers who always preferred to be around home reading, drawing or anything else but sports. My parents still have yet to figure out it’s not for him and fight me on it left and right. We tried everything and he just doesn’t care for any of them.
I also have a very outgoing 6 yr old daughter. But she’s a homebody. She has Daisy’s and a school program she likes, but she too is not one to be pushed into other activities. We tried soccer and that was a horrendous mess. Picture her sitting on the field throwing a tantrum, or crying on the sidelines. She hated it. We tried ballet-she just wanted to wear the fairy wings and dance in front of the mirror. Learn specific moves? HA! That was no fun.
She did win a month of karate lessons and seemed to like it. At first. But she bailed on the last two weeks. And I let her. I didn’t pay for them so I didn’t care. She had also started her second round of gymnastics that same week and by the end of those loved them.
So we’ll try them again after the holidays. And she still has to learn how to swim. Did I mention she was stubborn? Teaching her how to swim has not been a picnic, though she loves the water. So I took a break for a year. She’ll start lessons again after xmas. She HAS to learn how.
As a child of the 70’s -80’s I don’t remember my mom taking us to 80 activities. I remember going to the park with my friends until dinnertime, or riding our bikes all over town. Hanging out with my friends. Sure you may have taken gymnastics or ballet. But it was once a week. And possibly on a saturday.
I see some friends of mine who are wiped because they shuffled their kids to four different activities a week. To me that’s downright silly. It’s teaching them that unless they have someone keeping them entertained they can’t do it for themselves. Not to mention the MONEY that is spent on all these activities. yeesh.
I get it if someone’s kid is awesome at soccer or baseball or ballet. Go for it. Just give the kids some input into this to. And don’t forget to let them BE a kid as well.
I don’t like soccer but I wouldnt say I was against it.