so hello chicks who may have no idea what BlogHer is… nutshell? It’s the largest blogging conference in the WORLD. Expecting over 4500 bloggers in attendance this year. Oh, yeah.. and it’s in New York City! AND Martha Stewart and Katie Couric are a couple of the keynotes. Ya’ know. Nobodies….
Remember when I went to Dayton, OH for the Erma Conference and had too much anxiety to take the anxiety meds my doctor gave me because I was afraid I’d pass out and wake up a decade later with a beard and grandchildren who believed me dead but really I’d been living in the Atlanta Airport all that time sleeping off a xanie… Remember that? This conference is in NEW YORK CITY. I’m thinking of putting a low-jack on my ankle so that Zeb can track me at all times. I know I’ll have fun when I get there. I hope I will. It’s the getting there that gets me all freaked out then I’ll be okay.
The other thing is that THE WHOLE ENTIRE INTERNET is talking about all the parties they are going to at #Blogher12 and “OOO did you get invited?” And I’ve been reading all the conference updates and have seen exactly nurn about all these cool kids parties people are signing up for NOR have I found a single solitary soul who can tell me how this works. At any rate, I know some very kick ask girls who I will be chilling and mingling with even if we didn’t get invited to anything.
And I’m just wondering about you people– you just don’t KNOW us?? Cause, y’all– we are funny as hell. Fun, we clean up after ourselves… and if you could see our stats? Well. You’d kick yourself, that’s what you’d do.
In a somewhat related column, I learned to deal with my travel angst by talking to my writer friend. Here’s what had happened:
I’ve written hundreds of words over the years of my affinity for profanity. I’m not saying it’s my finest attribute but there are times when in lieu of saying, “Gosh darn it all to heck fire!” I use one word that totally encapsulates the way I feel in that moment. Journalists call that an ‘economy of words.’ Christians call it ‘cussing’ and I call it ‘therapy.’
The immediate satisfaction of letting the four letter words fly is soothing although not great parenting. So I’ve made every effort over the years to cut back on my expletives. I realize it’s not my most attractive or endearing character trait and I certainly don’t want to pass my habit onto my children.
That said, my oldest daughter, Aubrey, has been my little Jiminy Cricket. Even for bad words that I’ve made up, “Fishbones! Fishsticks! Good gravy! FREAKING!”
“Momma,” she’ll say disapproving pointed the tip of her index finger at me. The one with the gnawed off fingernail, “That’s not a nice word.”
“I’m sorry Aubrey. You’re right. I need to say nicer words.” I apologize. I think it’s good for my kids to know that I’m not perfect and if I can use my bad behavior to teach them how to admit when they are wrong and apologize to others, then I’ll take every teaching moment that comes along.
The other evening I got an email related to my writing that filled me with rage. I didn’t want to respond to the email in anger, so I called one of my best friends. Kim Brock author of “The River Witch” and a Southern Christian lady who wouldn’t be offended by the slew of profanities I was about to unleash. I walked onto the balcony of the condo where we are vacationing, closed the door and unleashed my frustrations. Somehow in the midst of my hysterical outburst I didn’t hear the door slide open and closed or see Aubrey slip silently behind me.
I spun around in my chair when I felt her presence and waved her inside, mouthing, “This is a work call! I’ll be there in a minute!”
I told Kim I’d been busted and needed to go get my kids back in the bed. I walked into Aubrey’s room and climbed on the bed with her. We snuggled up, then nose to nose I asked her, “Did you hear Momma say some bad words?”
She nodded.
“I’m sorry honey. I really shouldn’t talk like that. It’s not nice. Don’t you ever say words like that, you would get in so much trouble! I wasn’t being a very good example and I’m sorry!”
“It’s okay, Momma. I forgive you. Sometimes I get really mad and say things I don’t mean too.”
“Yeah,” I agreed. “What did you hear me say?” I tensed up in fear and waited for to drop a bomb.
“The ‘A’ word.” She said gravely.
“I’m sorry.” I was genuinely embarrassed.
“Oh, it’s okay Momma. At least it was a compound word.”
And if I threw a party…
…Iiiiiiinvited everyone I kneeeeeew!
You would see
The biggest curses would be from me
and the heart attached would say
Thank you for being a blogging frieeeeeeeennnnnd.
See you next week, girlie. F-bombs and all.
Kim at Let Me Start By Saying recently posted..Celebrity & Marriage Talk @InThePowderRoom
Dadsnapppit! Fiddle! Fudge buckets! Are a few more you could add to your non cussing home (I too live with a 12 year old cuss police) These lil words just naturally pop out of my mouth….that is until I stump my toe, get cut off in traffic, gulp sour milk by accident or one of my kids slams the car door on my finger…then, it’s fair game
and they know to run or take cover by placing their hands over their ears!
Also, glad to know that I am not the only one in the world nervous to fly solo to a strange town knowing no one and even more afraid to take the xanies I was given to make me not be so afraid in the first place. It’s a vicious cycle, yes? I’m heading to Philidelphia August 1 for a writers conference but would love to attend a blogging conference one day!
BTW: I love your blog!!! Too funny!!
Sissie Dale recently posted..Dearest New Web Designer…
What the wha? I’m getting the impression you’ve never been to NYC? Um!?! I may need to go with you and teach the shopping/traveling/subway ropes! I love that place!
Arden Mac recently posted..Make Up Monday: A Huggable Treat
I’ve been a few times but never by myself. I don’t like traveling alone!
I’m somehow envisioning the scene from A Christmas Story (“a tapestry of profanity”. . . Now when I let a few choice words fly, my kids just laugh and say, “It’s okay, mom, we go to public school.” That sounds about right.
Hope you’ll be posting about your NYC adventures (unless the Xanax keeps you from remembering the whole event)
Denise Malloy recently posted..Exaggeration – It’s All in the Family
Ha!! And I LOVE that quote!
I hope to meet you at BlogHer! I’ll look for the girl getting her mouth washed out with soap. Oh wait, it’s a weekend with NO kids, so we can be adults without worrying about ruining little lives. Phew!
First off, you’re the bomb. And after the Huffpo incident, those cool kids are going to be kicking themselves for not snapping you up earlier. I can’t wait to hear all the details, and I know you’re going to make all kinds new friends as well as bunches of really beneficial contacts because that is just how you ROLL!
Btw, dadgummit is working for me lately. Also freaking. But in my head, I have Tourette’s Syndrome. I’m just not sure that’s ever going away. 😉 Big hugs, sweet girl. Now go knock their socks off!!
Jodi recently posted..Indy Book Stores Rock
Well, fishsticks! I wish I’d gotten to know you better. Blogher13 perhaps? Catch ya on twitter!
Glad I stumbled on your blog on Twitter. Finally, it’s good for something. Just wanted you to know you shouldn’t sweat the swearing so much. I cuss a LOT and my daughter grew up to graduate from college with honors and become a law-abiding, tax-paying mother of two. I do try to avoid cursing in front of my grandsons, but my adventures in babysitting below shows that it’s either curse or lock myself in the freezer.
http://katnovian.com/?p=1213
I used to use the A word liberally while driving not really paying attention to the little passenger in the back. Well I decided it was not good and changed to calling them “buddy” instead. One day a friend came over and said to my two year old, “how’s it going buddy?” You should have seen the look on my son’t face. “I’M NOT BUDDY!”, he said before scurrying away. You can’t win.
I know what you mean. I never gave much thought to my blog name … until I had to introduce myself over and over and over again … to what unfortunately seemed like one straight-laced blogger after another at Speed Dating. Then find myself saying …. “No, no, no. It’s NOT porn. My roots are based in boob job research.” Then, after seeing them check out my “rack” have to explain, “Well, no. I DIDN’T get them and here’s why ….” Then hear BUZZ!!!! as the ten minute alarm told us to move to the next victim and start again. Oh, dear God.
Ugh…I’m having the worst time with that right now. Because having two two-year-olds, while you’re pregnant, makes your vocabulary switch mainly to four letter words…
Paige Kellerman recently posted..Jury Duty
OMG, I love that she said: At least it was a compound word.