Back in the Day: Aubrey’s so Punny

I’ve been going through some old columns working on the second book and this one made me laugh out loud. Sometimes that whole Mommy Memory Thing really works in my favor…

Aubrey, my 5-year-old has gotten into a fun new phase. It all started this summer when I unknowingly bought popsicles with jokes on the sticks. I had to explain every punch line, and the jokes weren’t really funny to start with, but a standup comedienne was born.

I attempted to introduce Aubrey to knock-knock jokes, thinking they would be easier for her to understand. But it only led to more confusion with some hilarity.

“Knock, knock…” I said.

“Knock, knock,” she said back to me.

“No, Aubrey you say, ‘Who’s there?’”
“Who is it, Momma?” She asked.

“No, I say, ‘Knock-knock,’ then you say, ‘Who’s there?’ Get it?”

“Got it!” Aubrey answered.

“Knock, knock…” I tried again.

“KNOCK, KNOCK! Who’s there?! Like that Momma?”

I laughed hysterically which made Aubrey think I had delivered the punch line so she laughed as well. Since our first class in Funny 101, I have had my eyes peeled for jokes she could actually understand and enjoy. Every day when I pick her up from school, she jumps in the car and asks, “Got any jokes for me today, Momma?”

“Why did the tofu cross the road?” I asked her.

“I don’t know…” she said thoughtfully.

“To prove he wasn’t chicken!”

Aubrey looked at me confused. I sighed as I explained to her what tofu actually is and 3 minutes later she laughed. “Oh, that IS funny Mommy!”

Aubrey’s love of jokes is so great she gave me her purple Hello Kitty notebook to record any funnies I might come across while she is in school and this past week she had a brilliant idea. Aubrey wanted to tell her jokes for Show and Tell.

All week long Aubrey practiced her set of four jokes. She told them to neighbors, friends and strangers at the grocery store.

On Friday morning, her daddy took her with him to work for a few minutes before school. Aubrey told joke after joke as my husband’s coworkers began filtering in for a cup of coffee before work.

“What did the mommy bullet say to the daddy bullet?” She didn’t even pause a beat before delivering her punch line, “We’re going to have a BB! Get it? It’s funny because a BB is a tiny bullet.” She explained to a group full of grown men.

Aubrey launched into her next joke before they could even catch their breaths, “What did the in-bis-a-bull (invisible) man drink? Evaporated milk!” She screamed at her daddy’s colleagues. Whether they found her jokes incredibly funny or were shocked at being an unwitting audience to a 5-year-old doing stand-up comedy in their break room before their morning coffee, all the guys laughed and Aubrey’s confidence soared.

I couldn’t wait for Aubrey to get home from school on Friday to hear how her jokes had gone over. I secretly had my fingers crossed that there was at least one child in the room being raised by either vegetarians or avid hunters. If we were lucky there would be one of each and she would get a few laughs without having to explain to everyone in her class what a BB is and why her tofu joke was funny.

After school I asked her, “So, how did it go?”

“My teacher didn’t call on me,” she said her eyes welling up with tears.

“Oh I’m sorry. Well, we’ll just have to practice more and you can tell them next week.”

“Alright,” she conceded. “Hey Mommy, why couldn’t the bicycle stand up?”
And even though I knew the answer by heart, I asked her for the hundredth time, “Why?”

“Because he was two tired. Get it, Momma? It’s funny because a bicycle has two tires!”

“Mommy is too tired, too honey.”

“You don’t have TIRES Mommy!”

We are just having too much pun at my house.