Today at lunch I was attempting to slice an apple for Sadie and myself. I have one of those handy, dandy apple-corer/slicer multitasker thingies and I was trying to use that. The apple was too big and I as pushed down as hard as I could on the slicer, it became lodged half-way through the apple.
I leaned in a little harder then laid across my kitchen counter on top of the slicer and the apple, applying all 95 of my pounds (What? 0_O) to try to force the blades through the fruit. Sadie, almost three-years-old, glanced up and yelled, “DO IT GUHL! CUT DAT APPLE WIF YOUR BELLY!”
I fell off my counter I was laughing so hard. She sounded just like me and she looked at me like I’d lost my mind when I laughed.
And one more:
I love picking up my and Sister Wife’s kids afterschool. That’s when you get the good playground dirt. My oldest, Aubrey and Wifey’s son, John Man are in the same class and they regularly tell on each other without meaning to.
Me: How was everybody’s day?
Chorus of children: Good.
Me: How was recess? Was everybody sweet?
John Man: Well, one girl was kind of fighting with Aubrey…
Aubrey: JOHN MAN, I NEVER wanted to talk about that EVER again!
John Man gets an “Oh crap” look on his face. “Sorry!”
Aubrey: That’s when John Man was having to sit out…
John Man: AUBREY!
I am giddy. I love this stuff but I had on my Serious Parent Face.
Me: John-John! What did you say?
He looked at his lap.
Me: You’re not going to get in trouble with me. Have you EVER gotten in trouble with me?
(No, because I get to be The Cool Aunt.)
He grinned. “Idiots and butt-cracks.”
Me: Mmmmm, well. Yes. That is bad. We shouldn’t say those words.
John Man: Well… I didn’t even know I couldn’t say those words at school. And then this girl tried to tell on me but I was already in time out for the same thing.
Aubrey: Johnny (We have many names for him.) remember when you called me that ‘EEEE” word??
John Man: Yeah. That was back when I thought you loved me and I didn’t like it.
Aubrey laughs nervously. “I don’t LOVE you, love you. You know that.”
John Man: I know.
Me: I’ll take 2 small Powerade slushies, 2 small Cherry Limeades, one small orange slushie and a medium Cherry Limeade.
Happy hour, indeed
Be sure and click the events tab for dates about book signings and readings. I should be able to tell you the name of the book AND show you the cover soon!!
Photo credit: I mean a picture combining butt-cracks AND apples? Genius.
What’s the “E” word? Eeeeeediot?
Yes!!!!
That’s hilarious!