Today was bad. BAD bad. Not just meh-bad. Like REALLY bad.
We left the house at 9am for the library. At 9:05 I pulled the car into a church parking lot, opened up the back door of my car and got IN my kids’ faces. All three of them at the same time. I’m no amateur.
“IF I HAVE TO PULL THIS CAR OVER AGAIN YOU WILL BE SO SORRY!” Yes. THOSE words. I said them.
My kids have broken every single library rule and we get scolded every single time we go. Usually, I feel it’s unwarranted. Today, I wondered why no one forced me to hand over my library card then yelled, “Get out! AAAAAAAAND STAY OUT!”
Next, swimming lessons. The heat index in Mississippi today was roughly the same as the surface of the friggin’ sun.
I was sweating like A LOT. And also was about 99% sure my left ear was infected and I might have strep throat. Nothing says good times like inner ear pain and 100% humidity.
Luckily for me, and for the safety of my chirren. My mother came to town yesterday to visit. During rest time, she chilled (literally) at the house while I ran errands. In my car. With no AC. I literally rolled my windows down because it was cooler outside.
I went and got amazingly cheap and tacky outfits for Aubrey and I to wear to the best birthday party EVER: 80’s theme, Mother/Daughter, Dance Party, costume contest. AW. Hail. Yes.
Then I went to see one of my favorite CRNPs (What UP Guhl?) and got a shot in each cheek. Ahem.
I got back into the fiery pit of hell that is my car, came home and fed my people. Then I made a plate for my husband who was working late and took it to him at work. THIS is what you do for a man who occasionally mops floors, cooks dinner, irons his own shirts and takes toddlers to the grocery store with him when you need help. ALSO, he looks like THIS. So, there IS that.
At any rate, when I FINALLY got home my mother looked like THIS:
She was DAZED, people. Confused and sporting a Dumb & Dumber hair-do, courtesy of Emma and apparently a surprise handful of conditioner, and wearing my apron like a bib.
What the WHAT?
Aubrey said, “Wow. Shuggie, your hair looks SO much better like that.”
So, uh… how was your day? What greeted you when you came home? CAN YOU EVEN SEE THIS OR DID YOU MELT TODAY? Also, does anyone else smell like a freaking mountain man right now??? Please say yes.
You’ve got a few more hours to enter to win a $15 gift card to A+S!!
Oh my goodness!! :’) I am wiping tears away as I type!! You are a hoot!! I agree it was as hot as the surface of the sun today! I live summer but she needs to CHILL OUT!! Bless your heart for no a/c in the car!!
Today, Daughter 1 and I had a conversation about the importance of her pre-pubesent need to wear deodorant. Not an option. Oh, and it was the 523th time we had said conversation!
How old is she? My kids steal Hubs deodorant all the time. Then try to lie their way out of it when they smell like a dude.
thank you thank you thank you…….I needed that laugh tonight.
I can hardly see!!! I’m crying I’m laughing so hard at momma!!
I thought you would like that little nugget!!
OK, this is gross, but I feel safe here
The heat is sooo bad that yesterday I was doing some random task and caught a whiff of something sour. I set out to find the source, only to realize that I had not worn a breast pad and it was MY BRA…reeking of soured breast milk! blech 
BEEN THERE! True story: When Sadie was a BABY, Aubrey was 4 and Emma was 2 and the only time Sadie would get a bath is when Aubrey would say, “Momma huh smells wike cheese.” You are free to go and vomick now. (Also, in my first book I wrote an entire chapter on Boob Sweat and Breastmilk.)
Sunday evening we decided to ride the 4-wheeler and when we got home I was looking (thanks to mud, dust, trees, and weeds (not the good weed)) and smelling pretty close to a mountain man.
LOL!
Yesterday I decided running would be a fabulous idea. Unbeknownst to me, my wonderful father in law came over to paint the bathroom meaning no shower. Then we lost power. I was hot, sweaty, my house reeked of paint and I had NO power for a fan to at least circulate the stench. It was smelling miiiiiiiighty funk here!
I’m so glad I wasn’t alone. That stinks!! (SEE what I did there??) Hope your shower is fixed now!
Um….how long shall you go without AC in your dang car?! TORTURE!!!!
GUHL, you KNOW my man fixed it the next day. I did think I was going to DIE though!
PS SO glad you can comment now! What was the problem? Any idea?
You failed to include this information in your medical history:) A day like that would give anyone an ear and throat infection. I’m surprised you didn’t have a migraine, nervous breakdown, and heat stroke in addition to that. Bless you Momma!
I’m pretty sure that all health care providers think I’m crazy. Once someone makes eye contact with me and says kindly, “How are YOU feeling?” I usually start crying!!