Why I just disinfected my foot…

Because Sadie, my 17-month-old, just crapped all over it.

Here’s what had happened:

Sadie had been straining and stinking for a few minutes and realized I had the perfect potty training opportunity. She needed to go, I am still recovering from surgery and have no where to go- we had all the time in the world for her to sit on the potty and for me to sit in the floor beside her to encourage her.

I put her on the potty.
Me: Go poo-poo, you big girl.
Sadie: Uugggh. (crinkles up her face to look like she’s REALLY trying.)
Me: Good girl! If you go poo-poo in the potty you can have a pop-pop! (What she calls all popsicles or candy of anykind.)
Sadie:(claps her hands and almost dips her butt in the toilet water) Yaaaaaaay! I poo-poo!
(She’s got her game face on now that she realizes there is candy on the line.)
Me: That’s right, you poo-poo! You can do it.
Sadie: (farts) All done. Yaaayyy!
Me: (clapping) Good job!
I let her down off of the potty and showed her there was nothing in it. I realized we were THIS CLOSE to pooping in the potty and I thought if I let her stand up for a few minutes and put her back on the potty, we would have success. She would get her pop-pop and want to poop on the potty for the rest of her days.

Me: Come on, let’s try some more. You ready?

I pushed myself off of the floor to get her when she bolted. She was out of the bathroom and in the hallway in a flash and I knew, this was it, the moment of truth. I grabbed her and pivoted back towards the bathroom, pushing through the shooting abdominal pains that lifting her chunky body caused. If we could just make it back to the toilet. I took one step towards the bathroom- plop.

I was frozen in time. Suspended in the moment. I had toddler crap under my right foot and inexplicably between my toes. I yelled for my mother, who came leisurely, to see what I needed before doubling over in laughter at me standing in the hallway with my feet more than shoulder width apart, whilst dangling a bottomless baby from my arms.

Shuggie: Oh!! What are ya’ll doing?? Heee-hee-heee!
Me: Could you get her? I’m not supposed to be lifting her.
Shuggie: Hee-hee-hee! What happened?
Me: Seriously, Mom. Get her and get me some wipes. I have crap between my toes.

My mother grabbed Sadie and walked into her bedroom to wipe her bottom and put her back in her diaper.

Me: (still standing in egg-zactly the same spot) Um. Mom? Can I get some baby wipes or something?

I overheard my mother tell Sadie, as she walked out into the hall with baby wipes, “Your momma gets herself into more fixes…”

Yeah, well….and don’t you think for one second if I had made it to the potty in time, this post wouldn’t have read “SADIE PLUM POO-POOS IN THE POTTY!” ‘Cuz it would have. Instead, I disinfected my foot and put everyone down for naps, including my mother and my oldest daughter, who are both still laughing at me.