Momma’s Medical Mystery

So I haven’t talked about this at all yet but I figure, what the hell, I’m going to spill it eventually anyway…so here goes.

I’ve been really sick for the last few weeks. Nausea, hot flashes, stomach cramps. Lots of fun. I peed on a couple of sticks, just to make sure God wasn’t playing a joke a me, and scheduled an appointment with my doctor to have my hormone levels checked. Early menopause and ovarian cancer run in my family and I didn’t want to play around.

I went to see an OBGYN in Jackson to make sure my hormone levels were o-kiz–zay. Whilst in the waiting room I got a phone call from my family doctor informing me that my liver enzymes were high and I needed to have a gallbladder and liver ultrasound. With the help of google and my medical knowledge (I’m an RN) I convinced myself that I was dying by the time I got in the exam room.

I was blubbering like an idiot by the time the doctor walked into the room. Here’s where things get really fun. Do you know what people think when you are 32 years old and have elevated liver enzymes? They think you are either a) an alcoholic b) an IV drug user or c) a ho who has contracted hepatitis.

I have never been a heavy drinker and for varied reasons, I have literally gone YEARS without having or wanting a drink. I do LOVE me some wine and enjoy a glass or two a week under normal circumstances. But for the last month I’ve been exercising, and eating right and trying to lose weight so I gave up alcohol all together. Too many empty calories.

Here is my convo with my new doctor:

Me: (blubbering)
Doc: How many drinks would you say you have in a day?
Me: I haven’t had a drink AT ALL in weeks. I’m trying to lose weight.
(I can totally see it all over her face that she now thinks I’m in withdrawals because I am obviously a big fat alcoholic.)
Doc: So you wouldn’t say you wake up in the morning wanting a drink?
Me: NO! (more crying)
Doc: Have you ever participated in IV drug use?
Me: (more crying) NO!
Doc: How many sexual partners have you had in your life?
Me: I’VE BEEN MARRIED SINCE I WAS 19!!! (I realize she is just doing her job, but for. The. Love.)
She smiles sheepishly, leans forward and asks, “Do you feel like you want to hurt yourself or someone else?”
Me: (thinking YOU!) No….(sniffling continues)

After a full panel of blood work I’ve been cleared of hepatitis, pregnancy (hallelujah) and various other ailments. After grandly flunking a HIDA-scan, all signs point towards my gallbladder. (It’s VERY common for women my age, who have had multiple pregnancies and have taken birth control pills to have gallbladder problems. Google it and see.) I’m meeting with a GI specialist next week, and who knows what he’ll have to say.

But I wanted to let y’all know what’s been going on for several reasons:
1) Y’all are my peeps and I covet your prayers.
2) I wanted you to know why I’m not blogging at the same pace you are used to, AND
3) This whole blog is about a real, true experience in motherhood. The good, the bad, the ugly, the hilarious. If I’m not truthful and honest about everything then what’s the point? If you wanted to watch “The Perfect Mom,” who does everything right, and never has a bad day you could go watch old episodes of Jon and Kate Plus 8.

My Momma is here taking care of kids and as always Sister Wife has my back and my husband is da bomb.com (don’t forget ladies, I will take my earrings off and THROW down Walker County style for him,) and my new friends here in Mississippi have been amazing, whisking kids off to church and just helping us get by.

I’m very optimistic, although extremely annoyed that it’s taking so long to get to the bottom of things. God is in control and I have no doubt that this is just a bump in the road.