Momma Drama

For the last month or two I’ve been laid up, sick, having surgery and then recovering. Today I had all of my kids by myself for the first time in a long time and about two hours into my day I thought to myself, “Wow. This is hard.”

We spent the entire day in our bathing suits with all intentions of going swimming. We sort of ran out time this morning, because I had my first radio interview and I didn’t want to be late. But I promised my kids that we would go after a nap.

Cut to the pool. Three little bathing suits-check. Three bags of necessary crap- check. One stroller-check. $6 worth of sunscreen applied-check. Cash from the ATM (a special trip to the bank thankyouverymuch) for snacks- CHECK.

Aubrey and Emma jumped into the pool, I took my shirt off to start applying SPF 300 because my skin is transparent from being in my house for the last two months, when guess what???

It thundered, the lifeguards blew their whistles and SHUT. THE. FREAKING. POOL.

My kids and I were thrilled. (Sarcasm font.) I let them have popsicles and they were somewhat consoled.

So my Cruise Director alter-ego slipped into overdrive and quickly developed a Plan B: macaroni and cheese and movie night at home.

We came home and I fed the kids, then got into the tub with Sadie. I bathed quickly and got out and made room for the two older girls. In the 60 seconds it took for me to get dressed and apply deodorant, Sadie took a big ole bite out of a bar of soap.

I scooped her out of the tub and helped her rinse her mouth, then took her to her room to get dressed. I got a diaper on her before she puked all over both of us. (Apparently Irish Spring doesn’t taste as good as it smells.)

I carried my previously clean baby (and self) back to the bathtub and kicked the big girls out. Aubrey (5) started gagging as soon as I walked in the door and she saw chunks of mac-n-cheese.

“DON’T YOU DARE THROW UP! Hold your breath and RUN, Aubrey!”

The two big girls grabbed towels and high-tailed it out of the bathroom holding their noses and squealing, as I sunk back into the tub with my chunky (that’s punny) baby for the second time.

Just another day on the job.