Super (Silly) Mom: Heather McDonald

Um, yes.

That’d be Heather (Longboobs) McDonald from Chelsea Lately! (Whom I’ve always felt a connection to since I used to be able to breastfeed a baby behind my back.) She graciously agreed to a Super (Silly) Mom interview and I was thrilled. I have watched countless hours of Chelsea and Heather in the middle of the night as I endured breastfeeding, teething and sick babies.

Heather is a wife, a mother of two boys, a successful stand-up comedian and in addition to appearing on Chelsea Lately! she is a story producer. Heather travels regularly doing stand up and has somehow managed to write a book and still look fabulous on TV. Here’s how she does it all:

What was the most surprising thing to you about motherhood?

How much more it makes me love my husband for giving these little people to me. I love that my husband, Peter and I can just sit back and laugh at them. They are the best form of entertainment.

How do you balance writing/work/live performances with family/mommy time?

It is very hard to balance all I am doing right now. I do it by making literally every moment I have with my children count. When I’m on the road is when I get a spa treatment or lie in bed and read and when I’m home it’s all about them.

I work out 3 days a week from 6-7am then from 7-7:45 get the boys ready for school. I come home from writing on Chelsea at 7pm (I have an hour commute each way that is the only time I talk to my girlfriends, thank God for Bluetooth). I try to eat at work so not to take time from the boys since I only have 2 hours (they go to bed at 9) to give them a bath, go over homework, read the notices from the school and play with them. I try not to go on the road too many weekends out of the year, never more than 2 a month.

I wrote my book over the summer. I would wake up on Saturday and Sunday morning and begin by 9am and finish by 5pm. I wrote from my husband’s home office so not to be away from the kids. I got interrupted a lot but somehow I managed to do it.

Do you have a nanny or daycare to help you manage your work schedule?

My kids go to after school care until 5pm when my husband picks them up and feeds them dinner. I do have a cleaning lady come twice a week. If I need to leave for an hour on a Saturday she can watch them. I also bought the house next door to my parents and they help in jam. I have help. I ask for it and accept it every mom should. (Carve this in stone Mothers of the World!)

What is your most disgusting parenting moment?

Most recently, my husband was out golfing when I heard my 4-year-old son, Brandon screaming from the bathroom for me. When I got there he was sitting on the toilet and I looked in between his legs to find his favorite Hot Wheels car parked between two giant turds. What is a mother to do? My husband was playing golf so he could be gone anywhere from 3 to 13 hours.

I couldn’t flush the car with the poos- besides it’s his favorite car. What kind of a mother would I be? So I got out a ladle and scooped it out while trying to keep myself from gagging. When my husband finally returned home I made sure to offer him some soup.

If you could be sure your children learned one lesson from you, what would it be?

The lesson I want my children to learn is to not be afraid to follow their dream and do the work it takes to attain that dream. My goal as a parent is that I raise productive human beings who are happy and contribute to society in some way.

Did you start out doing stand-up or writing? Do you have a preference?

I started out doing stand up first and then shortly after I enrolled in the Groundling Theater in LA and went through the entire program which included writing monologues and scenes. I love both writing and performing. Acting is a little more fun because it involves someone else doing my hair and make up and after stand up I allow myself to have a real drink.

What do you wish you had known before you had kids?

I wish I would have known how much I would worry. No one can warn where your brain will go when you can’t find your little one at Target for ten seconds.

What’s your “go-to” for a laugh?

I get to laugh a lot at my job and at home but when I need it I usually like to turn on the Millionaire Matchmaker on Bravo and laugh at the gross men on there and be so grateful that I am married.

Has living in “Hollywood” affected your parenting ?

Well, I live outside of it in the San Fernando Valley. I am not a hippie dippy mom at all. I will admit, I did not breast feed and my kids get all their vaccinations and I can honestly say the only green food my sons consume are their own boogers. (Ah, a kindred spirit…and possible spouses for my booger eaters.)

However, my sons are 7 & 4 and neither has ever had an ear infection or been on antibiotics, so there. They are healthy and not overweight but yes more fruits and vegetables would help.

I keep it “real” by living in Woodland Hills in fact I live next door to my parents who reside in the house where I grew up. I got married in the Catholic Church I was baptized in and my children attend their elementary school where I went as well. That is how I do it.

I chose a school that would help me raise my kids and teach them right from wrong and hopefully they will come out with a conscious and just enough Catholic guilt to serve them well. I am mortified by the behavior of some of the public High School kids in our neighborhood so I do plan on sending them to Loyola Marymount, a Catholic Jesuit private High School. It is no guarantee but at least I know I will have done all I could to give them the same opportunities as was given, a safe positive place to learn and grow.

If you could make one staff member of Chelsea Lately! go through nine months of pregnancy and delivery, who would it be?

It would be Chuy because to see him get even rounder would only be that much more magical.

How refreshing is it that a celebrity mom lives next door to her parents and is sending her kids to the same school she went to as a child?!

Go to amazon.com to preorder Heather’s book, join her Facebook Fan Page or follow her on twitter!