Well the excitement in my life just won’t stop. This morning I was hustling to get the girls out of the door to the car so that Aubrey can get out in the car pool line and I don’t have to see people face to face looking like I went a few rounds with Mike Tyson.
Aubrey INSISTED on wearing jeans and a sweater to school today (high was about 80) because, “It’s Fall MOM! And that’s what the other kids are wearing.” Emma was huddled under the covers in my bed shivering with a fever and trying to take her own temperature in places I’m not comfortable talking about and Sadie was dead to the world.
I got Aubrey to the car and came back in to wrap Emmie up in a blanket to get her to the car. I got them both buckled in and realized I was missing a couple of things: Sadie and my keys. MADNESS ensued. If we were late I was going to have to march my bloody bruised face into the office AND get my still sleeping and my feverish baby out of the car to take Aubrey inside. We were ON A DEADLINE people!
I found a spare key in a junk drawer and just barely made it to the school in time to drop Aubrey off without anyone seeing my bloody face. And I was relieved, because when you look like somebody beat the crap out of you and you are asked, “Oh honey! What did you do to yourself?” by a perfect stranger. And you answer, “I fell”- let’s just say I have seen the words “domestic violence” flashing in neon over many a store clerk’s head this week. I’m working on a more believable story involving my next door neighbor and an alligator caught in our backyard pond, but until then…”I FELL!” Walking is hard.
I came home and did the whole wifely, writerly, mommy thing…fed people, cooked, visited with a friend, lost my cell phone, talked to my agent, (I just really like to say that last one.) and lo and behold when it was time to go get Aubrey for school my keys magically appeared. Yay!
We came home and more domestic bliss ensued. I was cooking dinner when I realized that Emma had spread sea salt all over the kitchen floor, and I hesitated. Was she just acting her age or was she showing signs of true genius? I think we can all agree that a little traction on my floors is probably a good thing.
The Zebster came home to find a loverly dish of Chicken Enchiladas waiting on him and he didn’t even have to worry if the bottoms of his feet were too slick to get him from the stove to the table. After he ate dinner I asked him to help me find my phone. (We have very defined roles in our marriage. I am the loser and breaker of all things, he is the finder and the fixer…if I had a nickel for every time that boy found my contact lens…)
Me: Will you go look in my car?
Zeb: (sighs exasperated but putting his shoes on to go anyway.)
Me: I found my keys all by myself. (I said this veddy proudly.)
Zeb: Where were they?
Me: Oh. Um, I don’t remember.
I got the full eye roll as he walked to my car. If you have any insight on how to find a phone in your own house that is on silent…holla at your girl. (Via email or my home phone, of course.)
It's true, when it's happening to someone else it's freakin' hilarious. When it's happening to me, I just want to cry. And I only have two.