Momma Said: It’s Just NOT Funny

I knew this was going to happen…the day my article ran in the newspaper about how HI-larious my life is…all of a sudden it’s not. I haven’t been feeling great for the last few days and really, all I want is to be left alone. Just for a few minutes-to pee, or blow my nose. (As I’m typing this I’ve ALREADY been touched by a child 4…nope, make that 5 times.)

So I didn’t feel great today, but I was dealing with it. I went to pick Aubrey up from school and noticed that ONCE AGAIN, the carpool line was at a stand still. For some reason unknown to me, people who KNOW that they don’t have kindergartners getting out of school, drive to the front of the carpool line and PARK, to wait 15 minutes for their child to get out of school. I’m completely serious. Traffic backs up all the way into my neighborhood. Because of these considerate people I have to get out of my car and retrieve my child by myself which leaves me with the option of leaving my two youngest kids in the car or dragging them out to walk 15 feet with me- which is the REASON there is a carpool line to begin with.

We finally made it home, where Aubrey began screaming and crying for candy. My answer was a firm, “When Hell freezes over.” Not really, I said “No,” but I REALLY meant it, and put her in her room to get over herself. Whilst I was dealing with Aubrey’s after school fit, Emma was supposed to be laying in my bed watching a movie. But you tell me, what are the odds that at any given time Emma is doing what she’s supposed to be doing?

I walked into my bedroom to find that Emma had rubbed lotion all over my night table, entertainment center, carpet and duvet cover (which I just washed YESTERDAY!), was feeding the lotion to Sadie and had conveniently styled her own hair with an entire jar of Baby Vick’s vapor rub. I couldn’t make this stuff up.

Emma and Sadie got baths and tossed in their respective beds. Aubrey got her act together pretty quick when she saw that Momma was kickin‘ butt and takin‘ names and settled for a nice bowl of chicken noodle soup. But I can promise you this…I AM NOT laughing. Here’s hoping you are. (Is it 5 o’clock yet?)